Sourdough Crackers

I love me some sourdough. I made homemade hummus yesterday (recipe from Inspired Taste, a wonderful blog) and I need something more than just veggies to go with the FOUR CUPS of hummus I have. Sascha (my Sourdough Starter) has never let me down when it comes to crackers! When I am waking her up, this is a great way to use some of the discard until it gets fully active and all wondefully full of natural yeast. Here is my basic recipe and, honestly, I do not recall where I got it from.

(all measurements are in the "ish" category)
1/3ish Cup of Sourdough Starter (fresh or discard)
2-4 T olive oil (depending on hydration of starter)
1 C AP Flour
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
Herbs and spices of your choice (I love Penzey's Frozen Pizza Topping, it's a salt-free blend)

I omit salt, but most recipes call for it. I try to control my blood pressure by diet, exercise and lifestyle so I generally leave salt out of everything.

Mix it all up. I mean, really, I don't do it in any order and it always turns out fine. I suppose you could mix the starter and oil, then combine the dry stuff in a diff. bowl and then add it. But why add steps and dishes?

I love a strong flavor and let mine proof overnight. Usually crackers can be proofed in a couple hours. I find the flavor is more intense and complex.

Roll it flat. You can either bake it uncut and break pieces off as you desire (a great way to have dinner bread) or you can cut into squares for regular looking crackers. Often I like to cut mine in long strips and place in a pint jar on the dinner table for a lil fancy-factor. We're real simple around here.

That's it. Bon apetit! Oh, I also bake half at a time and keep the dough in the fridge for up to 3 more days. The fridge stops the fermentation so you should be good without the overpowering flavor. Just let come to room temp for 15 minutes before rolling out.

40 Ways to a Balanced Live

Ok, so I am embarking on a list of 40's for the entire year as I turn 40. This month, I thought my list would focus on 40 "wellness tips" that are more holistic than medically oriented.

These are things I try to do in order to achieve a balanced, whole, and well life. What do you do?

1. Get outside sometimes, Stay inside other times: the key here is balance. I am always recharged when I spend time outdoors, and I am also often in need of retreating to the safety of my home. 

2. Pet an animal (We love going to the local Humane Society to bring them treats and pet them). We go to the local pet store, load up on inexpensive treats and have a field day spoiling the dogs, puppies, cats and kittens at the Kentucky Humane Society. Check your local animal shelter for rules. 

3. Hug those you love (with their permission). Can we ever get enough safe hugs? 

4. Re-read your favorite book: Books that inspire and books that give you a mental break. Some of my favorites are The Five People You Meet in Heaven, A Painted House, Ultra Marathon Man. 

5. Go for a run, a hike, a walk or just sit on a bench

6. Curl up under thick, warm, quilts on a cold night: The weight of all those blankets just calms me. The memories of the quilts comfort me. Ahhh, I can feel myself relaxing now. 

7. Walk in the grass barefoot: So refreshing! Try it

8. Veg out in front of your favorite tv show: I'll confess, I have seen Golden Girls at least four times. Not all in one sitting but...close. 

9. Drink more water than you think you need: We all need water and few of us get enough. I notice my hair, skin and the bags under my eyes all improve when I am properly hydrated. It's also cheaper than coffee! 

10. Shop the outer circle of the grocery store (think about it): FRESH FRUIT and VEGGIES, y'all! This is the real food section. About 75% of my grocery shopping comes from the outer section. This is real food that spoils, so I often have to make a mid-week stock up on fresh bananas, blueberries and bell peppers. 

11. Eat more fruits n veggies: see above. 

12. Get a massage (or 10): Ok, maybe shameless plug but seriously, I got regular massage before becoming an LMT. 

13. Laugh so much you want to cry, Cry so much you shake

14. Feel every emotion that comes up in your body: Truly feel it. And sometimes, dismiss it. If it isn't serving you long term, acknowledge it and invite it to leave you the hell alone! 

15. Experience every experience: The best advice I got when I went to Thailand was to stop in the street, close my eyes and take in the experience. I have used this strategy many times and it has never failed me. 

16. Breathe: Long, slow, deep, full breaths. 

17. Meditate: Imma be honest, meditation has probably kept me out of jail more times than I can count! Some great apps, I'll link later.

18. Eat chocolate, dark preferably: Like this needs an explanation? 

19. Use reliable sources (like pubmed and google scholar) to research any pathologies you have and treatment regimens the doctor recommend (Avoid webMB)

20. Try new experiences: this grows your brain. I posted about that previously (I'll link it eventually).

21. Eat new foods: why not? 

22. Meet new people
Broaden your horizons, have new influences, embrace new ways of life.

23. Stick with your true friends
And to contradict #22...remember those who've been with you through it all.

24. Realize you need only a handful of true friends

25. Commit yourself to a debt repayment plan

26. Once debt free, stay there
It took me almost a decade to pay all my debt off. And I've not looked back since! I started small and with attainable goals. The stress and anxiety over debt was consuming me and I didn't even realize it!

27. Less stuff, more experiences; Less stress, more joy

28. Learn to cook at least one breakfast, lunch and dinner meal from scratch
Once you master cooking a few meals from scratch, you'll wonder why it took you so long. I also find that I still really enjoy eating out, and I actually enjoy it more, not because of the food, rather because it's an experience I don't frequently indulge in.

29. Bake bread and enjoy the scent
I love my sourdough, but you can bake any kind of bread. It is such a cozy smell.

30. Go to a Renaissance Faire
Seriously. You won't regret it. Spend the day. Meander. Wander. Bring money. Enjoy.

31. Ride a Ferris Wheel in silence

32. Ride a Ferris Wheel with those you love

33. Learn to play card games
I took my little cousins camping with my son and me once. When we were heading back I asked what their highlight was, they said playing Old Maid. Mind you we actually have a camper and television when we go camping. And still, cards was there favorite memory.

34. Host pot luck dinners with old and new friends
YES! Enjoy the smells, dishes, friendship, laughter. I will be honest, I use disposable dishes and such and I find it more enjoyable. I probably should work on that.

35. Have a gratitude wall/board
I have a poster board on which I place post it notes of random things for which I am grateful. Sometimes it's big and sometimes it's just the socks on my feet.

36. Live a life of gratitude

37. Say thank you more
There are a multitude of people you can thank in your daily life; do it.

38. Tip as generously as you are able
Don't be stingy. Not only do folks who work for tips work really hard, it'll also brighten their day if they receive an unexpectedly large tip. I love to tip and leave before they see it...the tip is my way of sharing gratitude and abundance, I don't need them to come back and say thank you. (see above for contradiction.)

39. Linger longer than you might be inclined to

40. Drive 5 mph slower
On the road and in your life. Slow it down. 

Sit. Be Still. Be Quiet.

I love water. I love being in it. I love being around it. I love hearing it. I love feeling it. I love water.

And sometimes, I try to be like water. Years ago, I heard a wonderful meditation from someone at an Association for Experiential Education conference I attended years ago and it stuck with me. The essence was: be like water. It doesn't try, it just does. It trickles. It meanders. It wanders. It molds. It shapes. It softens. It cleanses. And so can you. It can be life saving and it can be life taking. And so can you.

So today, I have a brief video I'd like to share with you taken rather impromptu from my basic iphone at mile 2.5ish of my 6+ mile hike this morning. It's brief, but the words just...flowed (see what I did there?). I stood on the bridge another 5 minutes just listening to the babbling brook and taking it all in. Fully experiencing the moment. Letting the water in my body become at one with the water in the stream...where did it come from? Where will it end up? Nobody knows. Just like me. Just like you.

Enjoy.

Bipolar, a new perspective

So we are a family living with bipolar. And yes, it impacts the entire family. Many of you may have gasped. Your eyes may have widened. Your hearts and prayers went out. As if we're dying over here? The truth is, we could be. Sometimes it is minute by minute and sometimes it is day by day, or even month by month. I am only going to speak from my experience from the outside looking in, and yet also being on the inside looking out. If that makes sense? I am the caregiver for someone learning to live with bipolar. 

It's scary. No, I don't mean in the way you think. So many people jump to, "he's gonna be the next school shooter or the unibomber!" Shut the fuck up with that nonsense! What's scary is I may lose my beloved some day to this illness. What's scary is the chemical imbalances that sometimes seem to come out of nowhere. What's scary is the self destructive patterns that are so difficult to overcome. What's scary is the flood of chemicals knocking us both flat on our asses. So forgive me if I have little sympathy for your hyper-media influenced fear of people with bipolar. I will dig down a little in this, and a future post, into compassion coffers and try to give you some perspective to assuage your knee-jerk reactions and illicit a smidge of care, concern and compassion towards those who may be living with bipolar. 

Mmmk, here we go. 

We're in what I call the valley right now. That's a hypo or depressed state. No, we don't go there back and forth every few minutes like most are portrayed in movies and on tv. Sure, some do, but that's not how it is for my beloved. My beloved's "cycles" (as most are familiar w/ that term) are roughly 90 day cycles. Anyway, more on that later. So when you're in the valley we can wallow and wither, or we can climb like hell to survive. We now know better ways to climb. It is precisely on the timeframe the psychiatrist told me to be aware of, but I was so hopeful maybe we had beat it. But there is no ultimate beating it, except to live another 24 hours. Sometimes, the mere survival to another day IS BEATING IT!!! And so to that end, we have. We have beat it. But I digress...

My beloved is scared. And I am scared. We don't know how low this valley is. Don't know when the bottom will be reached. What that bottom looks like. What the journey down nor back out will look like. We have survived them in the past, but honestly, neither of us know if we'll survive them all in the future. So when I say it's scary, try that perspective on...we. don't. know. But we are gonna climb and fight like hell, because that's what we do. Twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. Fight. Non stop. Literally it is a 24/7 presence. Think about that perspective for a moment. Every moment we're awake and even half the ones where we're asleep. 

It's daily calls from school over sometimes serious and sometimes silly. Because they're afraid. And ill equipped. And also resistant to actual resources and information. No, seriously, I ASKED and OFFERED resources and they were declined. Like. "no thank you. We just need to make sure all our students are safe." Uhm...ok, cool. This is our life. 

And so I had an experience. I was in a moment of wallowing in my own self pity of having to deal with this shit on my own with little to no support from anyone who actually gets it (not that I don't have friends. but if you ain't living it, you ain't living it) and then guilt came in for the pity and then...what the fuck, I need to go for a run! So I decided to combine my two outdoor loves--running and a local forest: I did a trail run. And here is my experience: 

It was dark outside, and some folks were found dead on this very trail not too many years ago. So I sent a text to my friend Nicole and said, "hey, I'm going to run at XYZ forest. Just wanted you to know. I'll be on such and such trail by the blahdiblah lake." Her response: "Great. What time do you anticipate being done?" Me: "815." Her: "Post on FB or send me a text when you're in your car and safe." Me: "ok. Next time I will bring my dog for protection." Then I pulled into the parking lot, which was dark and contained only one car, which was running and right by the trail head. I had to decide to face this fear, step out of the comfort of my car and walk past that unknown vehicle into the dark trail...or I could go home and end up napping. I chose the trail. My heart raced! But this was a trail I'd walked/hiked probably two dozen times this year alone so I *know* this trail. And I have been a runner for 15 years so I can do this! It's only a two mile stretch and I'll be done in no time. I kept one earbud out of my ear. Just in case. 

I quickly learned this was a new trail. And I had never run before. My mind was confused because I knew this trail. I knew the turns and twists and roots and rocks. I knew how to run. But yet, I didn't. The trail was super muddy so I had to stay focused on not slipping and falling off the semi steep cliff. I realized quickly I could not keep either earbud in as I had to focus on the sounds around me. I lasted a quarter mile before I had to stop. My quads and hams screaming at me. And my brain screaming at me for failing. WHAT THE FUCK DUDE, YOU HAVE DONE THIS BEFORE!!!??? But yet I hadn't. This was like my first time running and my first time on this trail. 

I actually got so disoriented I had a moment of panic that I had lost the trail. For the record--it's basically not possible to lose this trail at this section of it. When I reached the summit, the sunrise was GLORIOUS. And I stopped. Took a breath (and a selfie). And realized, ugh, I'm only halfway! And so, I began the second half. Faster than the first, a little more foot-sure, and comforted when I saw the road along the trail, knowing I was close to the safety of my car. Once I reached this comfort, I sent a text to my friend to confirm I was safe. She responded, "that's great!" Even though the run was 25 minutes and only 2 miles and this was treacherously slow for both of us as seasoned runners. But she did not judge my journey...she celebrated it with me. 

And the parallels came to me in the last quarter mile. My beloved needs a safety plan. A little more monitoring at times. To traverse rugged terrain that is both familiar and unfamiliar simultaneously. A journey he has to travel by himself, yet with people cheering him on from near and far. A hyper focus on not slipping. Skills and strategies to emerge from disorientation. And to check in regularly with people who love him. 

Please do not twist this--I KNOW this is an overly simplistic alignment. But it gave me more perspective and compassion, and honey if someone who lives it 24/7 can find that then so can you! Neither of us will be served by sympathy, but our survival rate will be higher with support. I don't know what that looks like and neither does he. So good luck figuring that out. I'll post some resources in a follow-up post, for this one, I just wanted to give you a real life example of the struggle I see my beloved learning to navigate and live daily. Daily. You might only see it when things are super awesome or super horrible, but  he lives it with each and every breath he takes. 

Family Meals Together

Family meals have become a thing of the past. Which I find pretty saddening. I am not sure when this happened but it happened. And I'd like to invite you to reconsider it. And before you flip out with all your (valid) reasons for not dining together (soccer matches, work, homework, band practice, etc.) let me share my experience:

When my son came to me five years ago, he'd spent a number of years floating around in foster homes and children's homes (think orphanage, but with better regulations). He had not experienced family in the sense that I had (I refrain from judging anyone's definition of family here, note that I highlight my experience only). He was (and sometimes continues to) struggled with Reactive Attachment Disorder and attachment issues in general. I mean, that makes sense when you're 11 and haven't been in a home setting for long enough to really get attached, right?

So when he first came to me, we sat down and had dinner together. I don't recall what it was, but it was electronics free, sitting at the table, food on plates, drinks at table, having to sit across the table and be with one another from start to finish. There was no getting up when one of us was done unless we were both done. There was no just hopping up and running to the electronics. We sat. In complete silence many nights. But we sat and broke bread together. And it was awkward. Then, the next morning we did it again over breakfast. And it was really awkward. Then that night, we did it again and it was a little less awkward.

And now, we break bread together, sitting at the dining room table, electronics free 95% of our dinners and 90% of our breakfasts (he's a teen now, and so sometimes sleeps in on the weekends. I'm a quintessential morning person so I am up and ready to eat hours before he is ...teens, go figure!) It has become the cornerstone of our family definition. Not so much eating, because sometimes it's just a hamburger and tater tots, but the time together. We devote that time each morning and each evening to being present with one another. It has taught respect for one another--neither of us begin eating nor get up from the table until we're both sitting at the table and then both done. We take turns setting and clearing. We converse. We learn that even when we're mad, angry and upset with one another we always have a place at the table and it's ok to not talk and we're STILL breaking bread together...like a family, in the sense that I have experienced and wish for my son to as well.

For the record, our table does not look like this.
We often have mounds of junk mail piled up where we don't eat. 

So this week, as you are meal planning, consider including a family meal. Where you sit down together, and remain fully present to one another the entire meal. Electronics free (unless that's a device you use to communicate with one another due to various barriers to verbal communication). It may be awkward at first, and that's ok. You may get the stank eye from your children, and that's ok. It may take some training on your and your family's part, but that's ok too. Everyone sits down and waits until everyone is present to begin eating. Everyone remains seated until everyone is done. Everyone pitches in to set or clear the table. You know, like a family.

Or, at least, that's my 26.2 hungry cents worth!

Donald, lover of breaking bread together!

PS: There were MANY meals where we just looked at one another with disdain, meals which I was sure the plate would go flying across the table at my head, meals where harsh words were spoken, meals where tears were shed, meals where relationships were discussed, meals where cusswords were thrown, meals where laughter was had, meals where we ended up ordering take out (not all meals work out as the recipe indicates), meals where it all happens. We have experienced all the feels, emotions, highs and lows around the dining room table. It is our anchor.

Holidays are Hard: A brutally honest foster-adopt dad's perspective

Holidays are hard around here. All of them. Mother's Day, Father's Day, Christmas, and especially Birthdays. Sure, we've redefined them to fit our family but they're still hard.

For some foster-adopt families they're just hard. Sometimes awkward.

I am only able to share from my experience, I do not project this on any other foster-adopt family...we each travel our own journey.

Holidays are hard. Around here, birthdays are especially hard. They are mixed with joy, laughter, happy memories, sadness, longing and misery. Yes, I said it. My son's birthday contains all of those feelings in a single day. Hell, a single hour within that single day sometimes. I am not going to tell his story here because it's not mine to tell, but I will share some of mine.

I wonder if his parents even remember him on his birthday. I wonder if I'll ever be able to be enough of a dad and a mom to comfort him when he wonders the same thing. I wonder if they know how much I appreciate their giving birth to such a beautiful baby who is turning into a young man of whom I am so proud. I wonder if they give a shit. I wonder if they know how much anger I have towards them for hurting this beautiful soul and creating a lifetime of haunted memories. I wonder a lot. I try not to project this onto my son, but I know I do. I hurt on his birthdays for him and with him, but I know it pales in comparison to the hurt he must surely have felt on some of his birthdays and may continue to feel each and every single one.

I wonder if I try hard enough to balance not stepping in and being his father, but ensuring I am his dad. I wonder if I love enough within safe confines of rules. I wonder if I will ever get to be just dad and not trauma-informed clinical dad. I wonder if this is the experience everyone has, and maybe they just don't share it. I wonder if it's just me and not any of the aforementioned shit at all.

Birthdays are supposed to be about being celebrated and being happy and being the center of attention. And to some extent they are, but in our home...they are equally hard. I wonder if people know that?

This weekend, we'll try to keep our smiles broad, our eyes dry and our tempers cool. We will have a few people over as my son turns a milestone year. We will try our hardest to celebrate with joy and laughter, and with any luck some of it'll be purely genuine and the rest...well, it's just fucking hard.

Self Care is Wellness

Self Care is not selfish, it is wellness. Say it with me: Self care is not selfish, it IS wellness. And one more time for all the people in the back row: Self care is *not* selfish, it *IS* wellness.

Self care is wellness.

I have been in the helping field 22 years now, professionally. Add four years to that as a volunteer. That's a long time. I have seen all different types of social service workers and people in general. One thing I tried to begin implementing about mid-way thru my career was intentional self-care for me and for my staff & volunteers. At times, I was called indulgent, extravagant, selfish, needy and my favorite has been, "you're the king of self-care," said with a smirk and an unpleasant tone.

But they were, and remain, right. I had become expert at self-care. That was a time when I had lost my job due to "budget cuts" (another post for another day), lived in a tiny GARAGE studio "apartment" (and I use quotes here...the only thing that separated me from my 92 year old land lady's car was a sheet of drywall!), was $30K+ in debt, and kinda faltering in my life-direction. But dang it, I included some self-care every month! Once I set my mind to paying my debt off, each month that I met my financial goals I had a massage therapist come to my apartment, I rearranged everything to accommodate her massage table, and I enjoyed a self-care massage. Yes ma'am I sure did! Her name was Austin, we've become friends. She taught me so much about my body and taking care of it (this was before I became an LMT).

I began only working on growing my business four hours a day because it was emotionally draining to be fired from a job that recruited you to begin with, and that I had uprooted my only known existence to accept and then try to figure out how to start and grow a business in a town I'd only been in for 18-24 months. That was an outrageous act of self-care. And people thought I should be working more instead of going to the beach.

I had the audacity to begin taking care of myself once I realized nobody else was. My company did not care about me. My co workers did not speak up for me. My friends encouraged me to work more (I mean, that's actually not a bad idea on the surface level). My family wanted me to move back to Kentucky. If I was to do more than survive, I'd have to engage in intentional self-care to *thrive*; I was determined to thrive.

For me, self-care sometimes is catching the sunrise
over a body of water, just me and God. 

Even today, people have disdain for the fact that I intentionally put self-care high on my priority list. I could work more, absolutely! I definitely could be at my office longer hours. I could take a few more clients a week. Crank out more soaps and spend less time camping or hiking. I could cut out my twice-weekly afternoon naps. And I most assuredly could skip a massage or two. But why? So I can prove my priorities are to achieve more? Be more? Make more? Each of those "mores" end with money or "success."

Sure, I really want to achieve more, be more, make more...happiness, present, memories. I am rewriting the American Dream story to fit me. And self-care is a crucial piece to that. I am no longer ashamed to say, "no, I'd rather not go to dinner with you on my child-free Friday, I really just need to stay home and binge-watch Fuller House on the couch to recharge." That is a radical act of self-care! "Please hold my calls, I am going to get a massage for 60 minutes." What the what!? It is time y'all, time to reclaim YOURSELF and treat yourself right!

Please, hear me correctly though: SELF CARE IS WELLNESS, selfishness is a beast of a different color. It is ok to put the needs of others ahead of your needs at times (actually, I think it is necessary) and it is also ok to engage in self-care. So this over the next week or so, look at your time-budget (another post for another day) and devote some time for intentional self care. I'll make a post later including some of my and my friend's favorite acts of self-care. You can get us started by leaving a comment if you'd like.

So there you have it, if you've made it this far in this long, rambling, meandering post:
Self care is wellness.

Or that's my 26.2 cents worth anyway.
Donald, King of Self Care

List of Lists

As I approach 40, I am doing quite a bit of reflection. Most people in my family don't make it out of their 60's and many never even see 60. So, statistically speaking, I am entering the final act of my life. I am becoming ok with this, setting up affairs so that those I love are taken care of, trying to live with less stress and more joy, and most importantly I am still setting my finances and such up as if I'll live well into my 80s and 90s touring around in my RV. So y'all ain't got rid of me yet, but dang near close if you look at my family history!

To that end, I've been thinking of lists...and here is what I am going to try to come up with over the next year. One list a month. Perhaps there'll be 40 items on each list, perhaps only 10. Time will tell. Do you have any suggestions for additions to my list of lists?

ish

List of lists

Things that bring me joy
Reasons I support St. Joe's Children's Home
Why I do what I do
Songs and/or music
Experiences I've had
Books I've read
Influential people, places or things in my life
Lessons learned: from working with people, the great outdoors and marathons
Lessons I'd instill in my son, if he'd listen
Thoughts on being a child of an addict, and a parent of a trauma survivor

An Ode to My Grandma

Today is my grandma's birthday. I think she'd be 76ish (?). My grandma was an amazing woman.  She didn't raise us, but she sure influenced me in major ways all throughout my life. I remember when we were moving from Ft. Knox, KY to Douglasville, GA, we were to spend a couple months with my grandparents so my mom and dad could get the home, jobs, other details sorted out in Georgia. I remember being so happy. This was the life! I was only four at the time, so the details are fuzzy, but I remember it with my soul, if not with my brain. 

When we moved back to Louisville, I remember playing kickball in the backyard. We would venture into the old rickety, dilapidated, wooden garage to find something for a base (why we never used the same thing is beyond me) and just out past the crab apple tree, we would play our hearts out! 

She was an easy pushover, and on a regular basis I could convince her to walk to Cox's Drug Store or Key Market Grocery (usually both, just to get out and do something). Here, we would get a canned soda and a butter finger candy bar. On the way home, we would stop at the "mini park", as we called it, and play on the monkey bars, swings and slides. She'd give all kinds of warnings as this was back in the day when all equipment was metal; and also rusted! Then on the way home, inevitably, I'd be too tired to finish the walk on my own so she'd have to carry me. I was much too old to be carried, but she'd do it anyway. We joked my legs would be dragging the ground, but she'd still carry me. 

On vacation to visit me in Florida, During tropical Storm Dennis

She taught me so much. Nothing life-essential by most standards. But everything she taught me has increased my quality of life, my understanding of life...has enriched me ways immeasurable. For instance she taught me how to sew when I was a little boy in half-day kindergarten and helped me make a purse for my mom. She taught me how to make homemade biscuits, and to play with some of the dough to make cinnamon rolls, chocolate biscuits, whatever I could imagine. She taught me how to make jams & jellies and to preserve my own tomatoes. We laugh that she never saw the point of making those small 4 oz jars, and I quote, "that's barely enough for one person's biscuit!"  Pickles were one of her favorite things to make, and we must've made bushels of them. She taught me how to cook and turn $5 worth of groceries into a feast for an army. And always to be hospitable--she kept stuff to make "pallets" under all the beds in case family came thru en route to/from Indianapolis/Tompkinsville. She taught me to sit on the porch and watch the storms. She taught me so much. 

Three years before she died, she allowed me to record some of the songs she used to always sing and to record some of our family/life history. I edited, spliced and put them in a specific order to give out as Christmas presents that year. The days and hours I spent with her at the dining room table that summer recording are some of the most precious. She told me stories I'd never heard. Swore me to secrecy over this detail or that one. Forbade me to release certain stories and songs I'd recorded. We laughed and laughed and laughed at our shenanigans and we cried over our heartbreaks, all while the record button was on for future generations. I learned so much from my grandma. Here is a link to some of the stories and songs she allowed me to record: Grandma's CD (Partial)

I pray everyone experiences someone like my grandma

And one day, she got sick. Really sick. After years of battling Cancer, her body was failing. And it was my turn to give back. She allowed me to move into her home and help take care of her. Initially we thought it was to help her rehabilitate until she could live independently. . . I quickly grasped she was never going to experience that again, in fact the only room she lived in after she came home was her bedroom. But those weeks of nurturing and loving on my grandma also taught me so much...so like her to teach me up until the day she died. Literally her last breath held a lesson for me. I learned so much from my grandma. 

In those last days, she taught me about compassion and forgiveness. Moving on and regret. Laughter and tears. Compromise and digging in. My dad had just died months before and we were all still numb from that. I was the only one who had the flexible schedule to be able to be with her 24/7 and I tried to live out every last lesson she'd taught me. We'd sit together and watch Judge Judy in her room. I'd play Josh Groban as the liquid morphine would work its magic, allowing her to slip into sweet, pain-free oblivion for a few hours. I'd simmer chicken breast with just a smidge of seasoning because she could sometimes sip a spoonful and taste it. I'd hold those little blue bags while the effects of chemo were expelled from her body. I'd change this bag and that tube, give her this shot and that infusion. I cried. A lot. But through the tears of pain, I loved. A lot.

I learned that from my grandma; so much from my grandma. 

Do Well by Doing Good

Part of my responsibilities as Director and Owner of the Louisville School of Massage include teaching some of our Professional Development classes. I primarily teach Ethics (Parts I, II, and III--we take ethics seriously), Intro to Business / Business Plan Development and now and then I throw in a class on Pediatric/Adolescent or Trauma Informed Massage. I love teaching each of these classes, and have a heightened level of enthusiasm for the business classes...after all, many of our students are entering their second career and are more interested in going into private practice than working for someone.

I am quite open to say that I love making money. I don't run four businesses because I get bored easily (ok, actually, I do get bored easily and that's why my body product line has grown but...). I grew up on the lower socio-economic side of things. My parents were teens (young teens) when they  had my brother and me. My dad joined the military (and later opened an auto-body shop) so he could provide for his family and my mom went back to college during my elementary school years to earn a teaching degree while working full time at a hotel. There were times our lights were cut off, hamburger helper was a staple dinner item in our home and we would savor one scoop of kroger brand heavenly hash ice cream on rare occasion. New clothes shopping happened roughly twice a year and we wore our shoes to the ground. I share this not to make my parents look bad (I mean, do you know anyone else who had children in teen years, took care of those children, both ended up being contributing members of society...in other words, this isn't the typical teen parent episode here. My parents kicked a$$ if you ask me. I am forever indebted and grateful for and to them). I share this to share that I don't come from economic power houses, stability or wealth; I didn't come from "means" so to say.

But I do love making money. I love crunching numbers. I love the challenge of growing my business and reaching new markets. I believe in my products and services and I believe they enhance my client's and customer's quality of life. To that end, I do very well in my business pursuits. Over the years of being an entrepreneur, I have acquired some means...not financial wealth, but means.

on our Gotcha ! Day, 4/1/2015

But more than that, I LOVE to do good. Incorrect grammar? Maybe. But let me explain. It is a foundational tenet of my business (each and every one of them) to do good first, and do well second. I wish to manifest good things for our community. My massage business, Infinite Balance Massage, has the goal of helping clients to find balance in their mind, body and soul; individual, family and community. My open house was to benefit St. Joseph's Children's Home (where I adopted my son several years ago) and over the first four years of my private practice, we've continued to raise thousands for them. I operate on a no-questions-asked sliding scale for military (active, retired and discharged), folks who are in recovery from substance use/abuse, and those who are survivors of trauma (in essence, people like the people closest to me). I almost always donate massages to any and every fund raiser for a cause which I remotely believe in. And I open our business doors for charitable activity at no cost. I believe each business in our community must intentionally seek to improve the community in which it operates...to do good. I also believe that in doing good, your business is likely to do well.

So yes, I was sharing with my students how to define their target market, how to think creatively to reach them, how to budget their expenses and revenue, how to add passive streams of revenue to their active...but the lesson I pray they take away is their business must do good for the community, and in doing so it'll do well for them.

...or, at least that's my 26.2 cents worth anyway.
Peace
Donald

Growing My Brain By Making Quinoa Salad?

Finally, I can grow my brain by doing something I like--like eating!? YES!

According to Dr. Kathryn Papp, neuropsychologist an instructor in neurology at Harvard Medical School, we now know that our brains can continue to grow well into adulthood and as we age. It was once believed that a person was born with every brain cell and connection they'd ever have and that was it. But we now know this to be false. Papp goes on to say that through a process called neurogenesis our brains can actually grow new cells. She continues to suggest that through the brain's complex malleability (neuronal plasticity), the brain can actually begin to make new connections (this in addition to growing new cells). This can be achieved through the seemingly simple process of learning a new task, activity, art, craft, etc. She does suggest for maximum growth, the new activity being learned have a physical component. I'm unsure if standing, walking, chopping, stirring counts as physical but in my (ever expanding) mind it sure does! 

As most of you know, my son and I are intentionally incorporating more fruits, vegetables, healthier grains, less meat, etc. into our diet. I am also becoming increasingly "on the go" with clients, finishing up my forthcoming book, and so on so I am always looking for quick, healthy, easy meals which will have leftovers I can take with me and even eat in the car sometimes while waiting to pick my son up from school. This meal is PERFECT to achieve those goals and can be tailored to meet your dietary restrictions, taste buds, yada, yada, yada. My top three priorities for this meal: low sodium, fresh veggies, easy. I have achieved the trifecta, y'all! And I want to help your brain grow with this new (to me) recipe while helping you eat a healthy diet, too! So here goes...

 Quinoa Salad

(I made a small batch to test, you could easily double or more)

1 cup low sodium chicken broth

Garlic

1/2 cup uncooked quinoa

1 carrot

1 celery stalk

1/2 (?) bell pepper (I used a few strips of various colors)

boneless, skinless chicken breast

Olive oil

seasoning of your preference (I used Penzey's frozen pizza mix, smoked paprika and some sodium free guacamole mix I bought on clearance at kroger)

bake chicken breast, marinaded in italian salad dressing (or whatever you choose, I usually bake a ton of chicken breast at once, bag and freeze it in single-meal servings for later use, this is what I did here, so in this case I actually just took the chicken out of freeze this morning to thaw. Always thaw meat in the refrigerator for safety purposes). I imagine this would taste d'lish even without the chicken for a vegetarian option. Sub out the chicken stock for vegetable stock and it becomes vegan. 

Put one cup chicken broth in a small pot, grate one clove of garlic, mix in uncooked quinoa. Cook at a low simmer for 15ish minutes (or basically until most of the liquid is gone). Your house will smell amazing from the chicken broth-garlic simmer!

I let mine cool fully then: 

Chop carrot, onion and bell peppers into small pieces. Mix in shredded chicken. Drizzle with a little olive oil and generously season with preferred spices (I am thinking curry next time). Mix thoroughly. 

Add cooked and cooled quinoa. Mix thoroughly. 

Bon apetit! yes, it really is that simple. . . to grow your brain, but not your waist! 

So I am going to bed tonight feeling like my brain has experienced a growth spurt and also feeling good about making healthy life-choices for my son and me. 

Click Here for the full Harvard Medical School article

Grandma's Banana Nut Bread

As some of you know, I now live in and own the house my grandmother and grandfather rented since the early 80's. I moved in with my grandmother the last two months of her life (6.5 weeks actually) to help her die at home instead of an institution. And then I just kept renting until the opportunity to purchase and keep it in our family came along.

This house is the house I spent a great deal of time in as a kid. My mom worked full time while also completing a degree in teaching while I was in elementary/middle school and my dad owned an auto-body shop. I remember one year pleading with my parents to let me live with my grandparents (oddly, now my son makes the same plea. I guess the apple does not fall from the tree haha). I loved and adored my grandma for as long as I can remember.

It was in her house that I learned to do things like sew, quilt, can and bake. And tonight, I'd like to share the banana nut bread recipe my grandma gave to me in a cookbook she made me for Christmas, 2004. On the inside cover it says, "Christmas 2004. To: JR. from: Grandma" in her well-known scrawl. I miss her, but in keeping this house...I try to keep her legacy alive and well.

Note: If this recipe is from a book, magazine or newspaper I apologize...she wrote it with no credits and it is the only recipe I've ever used making banana nut bread both with her and on my own.

1/2 Cup butter
1 Cup sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon soda
1/3 Cup chopped nuts (next batch I am using bourbon soaked walnuts)
2 bananas, overly riped and mashed
2 Cups flour
My tweaks:
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon freshly grated nutmet
1/4 teaspoon cardamom

Pre heat oven to 350
cream butter & sugar
Add unbeaten eggs, nuts and bananas (I usually do this with a mixing spoon)
sift flour and soda and add to mixture (if adding spices, sift along with soda/flour)
Pour into greased loaf pan (makes one full loaf or four mini loaves)
Bake at 350 for 50-60ish minutes til it passes the spring and knife test.

Even though I am not currently baking this bread tonight, I can sit with my eyes closed and smell it. Reliving so many wonderful memories in this house, and many others, with friends and family over coffee and my grandma's banana nut bread.

Y'all, take time to slow down, bake up something delicious (this bread?), and enjoy a story, a laugh, a tear...with friends and loved ones. The only regret you'll have is that you didn't make more time for this when those you love are gone.

Or, at least that's my 26.2 cents worth. Lemme know if you wanna join me for some banana nut bread sometime.

Donald

You are the company you keep

Today my business, the Louisville School of Massage played host to a retreat focusing on creating a Vision Board for 2018. While I believe the act of creating vision boards is powerful, more powerful than that (today) was the group of people in the room.

It was a small and intimate group of about 10 people ranging in age from 15-50ish. Three sets of parent/child were present, including me and my son. While my son's journey and story are his to share, I will summarize that it's been a difficult road, to say the least. The fact that he *wanted* to attend (or at least chose to attend on his own volition) truly is a testament to his desire to have a better life for himself and his children, should he choose to have them.

And for me as his parent, it reinforced that one of the most important decisions I can make as a parent is who I let in my inner-circle. Who I surround myself and my family with is ultimately who we become. I believe it is imperative for parents to be very selective in the company they keep. Do not be confused, this does not mean to be judgemental of people, but it does mean to be careful of the influences which impact my family. Ultimately, if I allow toxic people into my family/life, then my family/life become toxic; conversely if I invite positive and affirming people in my family/life, then my family/life become more positive and affirming. The group today definitely enriches my family.

So this evening I invite you to spend some time thinking about the influencers in your life--are they impacting you in a positive way? Are they influencing you to become a better person ? And ultimately, how are you impacting and influencing those in your life? Are you impacting them in a positive way? Are you influencing them to become a better person?

You know the old adage, you are what you eat? Well, I'd like to expand that...You are what you eat and the company you keep.

...or at least that's my 26.2 cents worth anyway.
~Peace
Donald

A Spring Awakening!

I think it is safe to say that we are in the midst of a cold and bleak winter. Locally, temperatures have not risen above freezing in probably two weeks and many of those days we've fluctuated between zero and 15. That does not even factor in windchill, or "real feel" as some call it.


And so I sit at the table in my dining room, gazing out the four-panel bay-window onto my seemingly barren peach trees...trees that I know will show signs of life soon enough. But today, they look dead. They are grey and brittle. As the wind blows across their limbs, they give their own shiver in protest of the arctic assault thrust upon them. Yet in their roots--in their soul--they, too, know they are just in a period of regeneration; a time of self-care, if you will.


I reflect back on my own life at the times I thought I was stagnant and dead...and now I realize I was simply in a period of rest and hibernation. I may have appeared "dead" to myself and to the world but come the spring of my life...man oh man was it a glorious rebirth!

The most obvious time of metaphoric death for me was after my dad and grandma died. One suddenly and one to cancer. I was catatonic for a year. But then I woke up once the ground became warm that spring. I became a parent, enrolled in massage school and exited a career I'd enjoyed for almost two decades. What a rebirth!


Only in hindsight and perspective am I able to see I needed that long winter of rest and dormancy in order to store up the energy for the next stage of growth.


I share this because some of you may be in that same "winter" of life. You may feel dead and stagnant but you're not. May I invite you to shift your perspective that you're in a period of dormancy (not stagnation or death), storing up energy for your spring awakening. Are you ready? I am!



...or, at least that's my 26.2 cents worth, anyway.

~Donald Taylor, Jr.~

Build a Door

Throughout my life of coaching, counseling, guiding, leading and listening I have come across many people who see others as lucky because they have many opportunities "just handed to them." While this may be the case some of the time, I'd venture a guess to say that more oft than not those "lucky" people went out and built a door so that opportunity could come-a-knockin'. And then they had the audacity to answer the knocks!

Are you building doors for opportunities? Are you answering when it's knocked?

Weekly Savings Challenge, Remix!

Weekly Savings Challenge

Many of us have seen that weekly savings challenge. On week 1, you save $1, week 2 you save $2, and so on. And several of my friends have tried it. I have started it three times and successfully completed it once. One. Single. Time.

That was the last time I attempted it and I want to share what worked for me. I didn’t stick with “the plan” as outlined! I admit, I am not the most organized, stringent, to-do list oriented person. I probably wouldn’t even remember to put into my retirement account if it weren’t for auto-transfer! And yet I also realize the importance of saving on a routine basis (again, thank you auto transfer !!). This envelope system, though, is a great way to become more disciplined in saving and can help with holiday spending, too! So here is what I did:

I gave myself permission to skip around. Face it, come November, few people have an extra $48 to save but maybe you do the week you get your tax refund? So put your $48 in the week you have an extra $48. And color the box in! What box? You may be asking…simple, I created the grid below, cut it out and taped it to a brown envelope. As I put the weekly savings of my choice in, I colored the box in. This way, when you need a smaller dollar amount to save—you can STILL stay on track to intentionally save. More important than that, to me, was getting in the habit of saving SOMETHING each week, the discipline of saying, “ I am going to look at my budget and put something into savings.” Then the behavior side of savings comes into play. I mean, I am pretty sure most of us are aware that saving money is probably a good thing to do. So why don’t we? In the two failed attempts, when I had to skip a week, I felt like I had fallen off the plan and failed. So it was less likely for me to put in the next week. Which created this downward spiral. By giving yourself permission to save the amount you can, you allow yourself to continue to be rewarded and keep at it the following week. Plus, I will admit, it was pretty gratifying to see my grid get colored in solid!

This year, I created a few extra squares—a bonus square and some partial squares. I have a son now and I have NO clue what extra expenses may come up throughout the year. There may come a week when I’ve already put my $1 in and I don’t have enough to put a full amount. So I will put in a partial amount, color that square in and keep at it! The point is to get into the habit of saving weekly.

I hope this helps you save for whatever financial goal(s) you may wish to achieve. I plan to stop the savings in December this year and apply it towards my Christmas spending. Because that is my plan, I give myself permission to deviate from this system. What will you do with the extra money you save?

Weekly Savings Challenge

1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	10
11	12	13	14	15	16	17	18	19	20
21	22	23	24	25	26	27	28	29	30
31	32	33	34	35	36	37	38	39	40
41	42	43	44	45	46	47	48	49	50
51	52	Partial:	Partial:	Partial:	Bonus:	Bonus:	Bonus:	Bonus:	Total:

Decluttering: A Method for Success!

Mmmk, imma be honest here: EVERY year from Christmas to New Year's Eve I engage in a decluttering mania. And every year I'm like, "HOW did this happen!? Again!? " And yet the next year it still happens.

So this year, what I chose to do during my phase of purging clutter (and boy had it accumulated) I set a goal of purging one bag per day from Christmas (I actually started a few days before this year) until NYE. In years past, I would get so focused on filling the trash bag that I would get overwhelmed when I didn't make it and then I'd just stop and I'd be off track.

This year I mixed it up. I didn't set a size limit on the bag! I finally outsmarted myself and my negative patterns. This came in really handy one day when it was 10 at night, wrapping paper was thrown hither and yon, I was running a slight fever, coughing up my fourth lung (what?) and just didn't feel like it. Then I remembered...it's only one bag. No size requirements! So I grabbed a small paper bag I use for the farmer's market when I sell soaps (think one of those brown lunch sacks), and walked around putting random items of junk, trash, clutter in it until it was full. In no time at all, I had achieved my goal for the day: One bag of clutter in the trash/recycle/donation bin!

The next day I got up feeling quite successful and went on to fill four grocery bags of clutter from my kitchen alone! 

I share this only to encourage you to set yourself up for success in your goal setting. I believe in setting unrealistic goals, sure, like retiring with a million dollars in the bank. But then set your little incremental steps to get there. Be sure to celebrate your successes and modify your failures. If your goal is to lose 100 pounds, maybe your micro goal can be to get active for 20 minutes a day...even if that's just seven three-minute commercial breaks while watching television. If you want to eat healthier, start with one meal or snack a day. Your goals should scare you, and your steps should motivate and inspire you.

Whatever it is, YOU CAN DO THIS! I have faith in you. Later in the week I am going to post my weekly savings plan which will help you save $1,000+ by Christmas time! And it's all about little steps, celebrating success, and both intrinsic and extrinsic motivations. Remember, you CAN achieve your lofty and unrealistic goals, with making the next best step/choice possible.

Well, at least that's my twenty six point two cents worth anyway...

Traditions

Today is the first day of a new year (2018). New Year's Eve and Day are both often filled with traditions and superstitions. . . cabbage and pork, a penny in the pot, don't wash clothes or you'll wash away your wealth, so on and so forth. For many it is also a time of traditions...a particular bar/club, certain group of friends over to ring in the year, that specific snack/appetizer someone brought ONE YEAR and it became tradition, brunch afterwards...

So today, I thought I would share the rough outline of one of my journal entry prompts in my upcoming book of journal prompts for a healthier mind, body and soul. Be mindful this is in an unedited format, but just a glimpse:

Think back on all the strange, boring, wild, wonderful, horrible, exciting, stressful traditions in your family and life? (you can list them out here if you wish as they come to you)

Select one that brings you joy to think about as you answer these next few prompts: 
What is a tradition which brings you joy in your life/family?

When did it start?

How did it begin and who began it?

What is its meaning to your life/family?

What is so significant about this tradition?

Describe your favorite memory attached to this tradition?


Now for a moment, think on one that does not bring you joy: 
What is a tradition which does not bring you joy?

When did it start?

How did it begin and who began it?

What is its meaning to your life/family?

What is so significant about this tradition?

Describe a memory attached to this tradition:

What would happen if you just stopped this tradition?


Now, for a moment, think on a tradition which has not yet begun:
If you could create a brand new tradition for generations to come, what would it be?

When would you start it? And with whom?

What would the meaning be for you and your family?

Why would it be significant?

Where did you get this idea?

What will help you/prevent you from beginning this tradition?