Two-Named Post

Name #1: Warning: Keep Out!
Name #2: Apologetic Living b'damn'd!

I'm not sure where this one is going so just follow me...could be a bumpy ride.

I had three runs last week while in the DC/Maryland area working a camp. Let me start by saying I had the time of my life! I was surrounded by such good and good-hearted people, the kids were amazing and impressive, the camp went smoothly (save for a midnight false-firealarm), yada yada yada.

Sunset over Breton Bay

My first run of the week went as follows: What's that? Rain. Great. Alarm. What's that? Heavier rain awesome. Snooze. Alarm. What's that? Heaviest rain. Great.

I eventually got up, laced up, stretched out, put my phone in a zip lock bag and headed out for a wet and glorious run. I was soaked head to toe within minutes. In a refreshing way. And what came to me was an innocent comment made by a fellow staff member. Their comment went something like my unassuming and "unapologetic" way of living my life as a man who happens to be gay made it easy for the male staff and campers to embrace me and see me as a whole person. I know they meant this as a compliment, and I know that I want to take it as one. However. . . what came to mind as I was turning a half circle at a wharf on Breton Bay was WTF did you expect me to do, say sorry for being gay? And then I realized that yes, they probably DID expect that because society *tells* us we have to apologize for being different, whatever category of different one may fall into. We nonchalantly say things like, "I hope this doesn't make you uncomfortable...I don't mean to make you uncomfortable...I'm going to go solo because they're not ready to see me with another man..." the list of ways we subconsciously apologize for being who we are goes on and on. I don't think we even MEAN it as an apology but seriously, I think it is. I'm not sorry that my being gay makes you uncomfortable, this isn't about me and my need to apologize it's about you in this moment. Actually, me being gay isn't about you at all, it's all about me and my partner (were I to have one).

me sewing

I stopped living apologetically years ago. Ironically, this is when I feel like I became accepted by most straight people. I don't care if you accept me or not. I'm not going to ask you to apologize for being straight so please don't ask me to apologize for being gay.

my pepper jelly 

Like that's all that I am anyway. . . a runner, a brother, a son, a gardener (a miserable gardener LOL), a crafter, a mentor, an uncle, a grandson (well, they're all dead now but I was), an Executive Director, a frugal budgeter, a park enthusiast, a beach lover, a thinker, a learner, a canner, a former musician, an artist, a daytime napper...

quilt for my grandma

Anyway, I guess this was fueled by a little anger and . . . wait for it. . . I'm not sorry for it and if you're offended that's ok, just don't apologize for crying out loud! at least that's my twentytwopointsixcentsworth