you deserve to live

Today is my dad's birthday. Except he's not here to celebrate it. And I'm not here to mourn it, either. I'm here to celebrate life. He would have been 59 today, but he only made it to 53. Some people have said he was taken too soon, too young. But who are we to say? When our time is up our time is up. Do we have any control over that (yes and no, I can see both sides of this coin based on life choices). 

I do not believe we have a lot of say in how many days are in our life, but we do have ultimate say over how much life is in our days. Just because you woke up and went through another 24 hours doesn't mean you're living. Just because you are breathing and have a pulse doesn't mean you're alive. It just means you have survived more days, but maybe not truly lived. 

So my invitation to you, as I celebrate and honor my dad's life, is to get out and live today. Do something that gives you LIFE and makes you feel alive. 

On my death bed I want to be able to look back and say, "damn! I packed a lot of life in those years, didn't I?!" I hope you do too. You deserve to live! 

Lots of pictures. No apologies. No regrets. Just memories.

I take a lot of pictures of me and my son. Of the things we do. A lot. I have thousands on my phone (mental note: back up phone, print photos). And I have zero apologies to make for stopping to take them.

I do not have the "first time sitting up, rolling over, crawling, walking, day of school," etc. moments to recall but I have "first time ironing clothes, making cookies from scratch, day at work, visit to Disney," etc. memories. As an adoptive family our memories began the day we became a family...the day after my son turned 11. Again, I make no apologies and I've no regrets. I photo-document everything I can remember to.

And I'll tell you the real reason:

almost seven years ago my dad died suddenly. He was here one day and gone the next morning. Poof. Lifeless. Expired. Gone. No further memory-making-moments to be shared. Only a future filled with memories. And pictures.

During the visitation I remember sitting with my aunt Gaila looking at the photo slide show thing-a-ma-jigger (I don't even recall who got the pictures or how this got made but somehow it did) and I broke down. I wept. And mourned that we won't have anymore pictures together. Ever. Every picture we have and will have has already been taken. And I still break down in tears (right now, actually) because I can't take pictures with my dad. I can't take pictures with him and my son. With him and me. With all of us. I can't take pictures of him holding my nieces as they get older and become young women in their own right. Or random shots of him sneaking up behind my mother.

So I take a lot of pictures. One day, my son won't be able to take anymore with me and I want him to have as many as he can so he can look back and remember all the good times we had. All the random road trips we've taken. The times I've been so proud of him. The times our animals have loved on us. When we've had guests over for dinner. When we've done service projects. Memories last forever in our minds, yes, but the pictures help keep it real for me. I can hold a picture. I can put them on my wall and surround myself with the cherished moments. I can tell the stories and keep them alive. The memories will live forever, and the pictures help my dad's legacy live forever, too.

Lots of pictures. No apologies. No regrets. Just memories.

Favorite Parts of Summer

Sure, summer time is a more carefree time of year. I adjust my work schedule to accommodate doing fun stuff and random midday lunches with my son. I generally go to work daily in shorts, flip flops and a t-shirt. Often my clients are more relaxed and we get to share vacation stories. Summer, for me, is a wonderful time of year in a carefree kind of way. Truly, I love each season as they bring about different types of enjoyment for me and the carefree-ness of summer just can't be matched by any other season.

One of my favorite parts of summer is preparing for winter. Farmer's markets are in full swing. Tomatoes are at their reddest this time of year and zucchini is abundant! It is great to observe the seasons by what's available at the market. And this week it was zucchini week!

So I made chocolate zucchini bread, of course! I have searched for YEARS for the perfect chocolate zucchini bread that did not rely on chocolate chips for the chocolate component. I wanted a full on chocolate zucchini bread dang it! And I finally found it a few years ago. This is NOT my recipe and I do not alter it so I am going to post the link to the blog where I found it. If you like high calorie, delicious, buttery tasting (though it uses oil not butter) chocolate zucchini bread you are going to want to try this recipe. And then bookmark it because it's a winner!

I have two teenage boys sleeping right now. I tried to wait until they woke up before slicing into it but...I just couldn't! Hope they don't mind. Who am I kidding, they won't even notice as they devour slice after slice, I bet! This recipe makes either two full loaves (though they are a little on the smaller side) or one full loaf and two mini loaves. One of the mini loaves is already marked to head to my mother's as her welcome-home treat upon returning from a week of vacation...if I can keep the boys away from it, that is!

Enjoy!

Best Chocolate Zucchini Bread EVER! 

...even if you could fail?

According to my Facebook Memories, today marks my seven year anniversary of being a soap maker. My friend Rachel taught me. I drove to her house about two hours away, spent some time with her family, and we made soap while her daughter was napping. I had wanted to learn soap making for years, as I'd already been buying it from the Saturday Morning Market in St. Petersburg and LOVED it--but not the $5 price tag.

Her mini soap lesson ignited a passion I didn't even know I had. It also leveraged financial resources I would later need to support my son and me in our daily lives. wow, just from taking the plunge to learn something that was both new and terrifying to me.

There is a saying that goes, "what would you do if you knew you would not fail?" But I want to mix it up and say, "what would you do EVEN if you knew you *could* fail, but did not care?"

Failure is part of life. That soap making adventure could have ended up a miserable failure for me. But I didn't care. I had someone to help me and show me along the way. I called her several times before soaping on my own. I no longer cared if I failed and the soaping soared as a result!

We have this fear of failure and it often immobilizes us entirely. Why? Does failure not still teach us something? Does it not get us closer to success? Think of all the wonderful inventions we have in life, I imagine there were plenty of failures along their journey as well.

So today consider this: What would you do, even if you knew you could fail ? And what is preventing you from doing it?

Motivation Monday

This morning my run sucked.

It was slow, hot, and rainy.

I didn't go as far as I wanted and, well, it just sucked.

BUT I did it. I set my alarm for 625 (so I could hit snooze one time), woke up, brushed my teeth (I cannot run w/out brushing my teeth!), put socks and shoes on, took the dog out, got the coffee started so it'd be ready upon my return and then...finally, 20 minutes later, I hit play on pandora and begin on my run tracker and off I went.

It sucked from the first step to the last.

But I did it.

And now, as I am sipping my coffee, both animals snoozing on the couch and the child in his bed, my thoughts are going to the rain the washed over me. First it was a nice gentle sprinkle. Just enough to be refreshing but not enough to be miserable. Then, just over half a mile from home, the sky opened up. At first I was like, "YES!" it felt so good, that cold rain on my hot skin. But then my shirt got heavy. And my shorts got soaked, followed by my underwear. I was drenched from head to toe. I kept going (I mean, what else could I do, call an Uber?). But now that I am home, I am wondering if the rain was my motivation to be washed anew. To let the "dirt" of my life wash away and go back to its original source. To tend to the beautiful seeds planted deep in me, allowing them the moisture to germinate, take root, and blossom.

Oftentimes I find motivation in the actual run itself; a sense of pride that I did it. Today, I find motivation in the Universe sending me a message to wash, cleanse, bathe, let go, feel renewed. There are a few things I've been harboring and I am going to take some steps to try to wash them away. You know that theme...decrease stress, increase joy.

Today, my Monday Motivation is found in the misery of the rain pelting my body. What about you?

Increase Joy, Decrease Stress

As I approach 40, with a recent diagnosis of hypertension, I am trying to learn to slow down, stop, enjoy, relax. I've always been fairly good at self care, but I've never been good at slowing down. I always tried to run faster, further, stronger; I bet I missed so much beautiful scenery during those countless hundreds of miles of practice runs.

My doctor and I have developed a holistic plan to address my blood pressure and it seems to be working. My BP is lower (granted with help from a medicine, too) and I am working to decrease sources of stress while increasing sources of joy in my life.

We haven't had a good 'ol Sunday Family Dinner in a long time. That always brings me joy. I love preparing meals. The smell of it cooking in the oven, grill, smoker or stove. The joy of plating, then sitting down to enjoy and have conversation over a meal to be enjoyed, not merely consumed is something I try to incorporate regularly. But I've been working a lot. And I've been stressed by work a lot. And I've gotten away from big healthy meals favoring quick, healthy-ish meals instead. Today, that changes. I'm returning to Sunday Family Dinner and you might receive an invitation.


I am also trying to incorporate things I've always wanted to do but put off for this or that reason. I'll be having a privacy fence installed this month (I hope). I have been doing a small amount of landscaping to increase the flowers in my yard, which bring my joy to see bloom. And I am launching a podcast that I've had in mind for six years--since I began my journey as a Licensed Massage Therapist.

And I hope, in doing so, maybe someone else will be inspired to pursue joy and eliminate stress. I'd love to hear back from you on how you're increasing joy and decreasing stress. Please consider leaving a comment below to help inspire me, and maybe even others.

The two pictures I am including in this post are serving as reminders to me to stop, slow down, enjoy.

Have a great, stress free, joyful day!
Donald

Find Your Trust and Power, Within You

Quick Tip for Success

Plan. Sounds simple, but make a concrete plan and ACT on it to increase your chances of success.

A trick I learned when I was first getting in the habit of running was to prepare the night before.

When I was a more avid and long-distance runner, I'd lay my running shorts, shirt, socks, shoes, glide, powerade energy shots, and water all out on the chair beside the bed. Then all I had to do was wake up, eat a banana and peanut butter on toast, a cup of black coffee, use restroom, brush teeth and go!

Now I am more of a recreational runner just trying to maintain health and only log 3-5 miles per run. So today, I SLEEP in my running gear which is just athletic/basketball shorts and a t-shirt. I have my socks and shoes ready by the door. I skip the coffee in favor of water now (age, I guess), but brush my teeth, take dog out, use restroom myself, then begin pounding the pavement.

This removes many of the excuses I used to give myself and also created time to do laundry if I discovered I had no socks clean.

Whatever your goal is, whatever new habituated way of living you are bringing into your life plan for it. Anticipate your excuses (you already know them anyway, chances are you have already used them) and come up with a plan to thwart them. Your chances of success will be much higher when you plan ahead.

Then celebrate! But that's a quick tip for another day. Today, it's just to plan. So what is your plan for success today?

Wellness Within Our Communities

Today's Wellness Wednesday Thoughts:
Say hi to people. Be kind to those you encounter. Compliment more than you criticize.

This morning on my run, I said hi to approximately 10 people. Some waved and said hi back. Some acted like they didn't hear me. And the most surprising response came from those who seemed/appeared shocked I said hi. I mean, I'm running towards you and we made eye contact...what am I supposed to do next? I give a little wave, say hey, and keep running. Why don't we say hi to each other anymore?

I will admit, I am still working on being kind to all I encounter. At times, I have bad days and I tend to take it out on those around me. Sometimes complete strangers. It never makes me feel better and I often find myself regretting being a jerk in the middle of being a jerk. If I could just remember every person I encounter is another human trying to make it through another day like me, then maybe I can remember to be a little kinder. To them and myself.

And finally, compliment more than you criticize. Those around you and yourself. It is no secret that my son's school and I clash. I rarely hear anything positive, but I often hear negative. The Assistant Principal of his school was completely taken aback when I asked him to give me a call next time my son is doing something right. His actual response, "you actually want me to call you just because your son is doing something right?" Uhm, yes. you see, when we only criticize someone we only get to know them through that lens. We don't get to know them as kind, compassionate, funny, sarcastic, artistic, musical, mathematical...whatever it is. We only get to know them as a less-than, as a problem, as someone who makes mistakes. So keep a mental log--how many times do you criticize in a day, now double that number in compliments.

You see, we think of wellness as being this ethereal concept of eating lean meats, getting plenty of exercise and maybe meditating or doing yoga. But it's so much more than that. Wellness is about a journey to be well in your mind, body and spirit; in yourself, home and community. Today, on Independence Day, 2018, let us do something that will elevate the level of wellness within our communities. Today, try to say hi to people, be kind to them, and compliment more than you criticize.

Space to become

If there's one thing I've learned by being a parent, it's that each of us needs the space, support and safety to become the person we were destined to be, NOT the person someone else wants(ed) us to be(come).

just about 5 years ago my son learned, definitively, that I am gay. He'd only been with me for a few months (9) and was not quite 12 at the time. The followed few days were tense with him not even wanting to sit on the same couch as me. This was a stark 180 from him wanting me to tuck him in just the evening before. I let him go through this process on his own for a few days then sat down with him and had a chat. The ultimate lesson was not that he needed to accept, love, and embrace me--that was his choice to make, and his alone--rather it was that the only thing to have changed was how much he knew about me, not who I was, but what he knew. His fear, in his own words, was that I was going to rape him. I let him sit with this and invited him to think about how he'd been treated the last 9 months as a family and I let him come into his own on the realization that this was preposterous.

Fast forward a few years and he's not an officer of his school's Gay Straight Alliance and bought "Love Simon" (the book AND movie) for me for Father's Day and was sad we were going to miss the Kentuckiana Pride Festival due to vacation. After assuring him missing one year would not disqualify me from membership in the gay mafia (I think being the Grand Marshal of the Pride Parade cemented my membership), he he was reassured it was ok.

I could not force him to love me, embrace me, accept me because that's fair to his journey of self discovery. What I could do was create space for him to discover the compassion that was waiting to be unleashed inside himself.

I don't get this parenting thing right very often, but tonight I am going to give myself a pat on the back...on this issue, I feel like I knocked it out of the park.