Inhale it all

Today, I invite you to sit and experience your full self. 

What is it you need out of this moment? 

What is it you are contributing to this moment? 

How is your back aligned? Your hips? 

How do your feet articulate with the ground? 

Are your breaths deep and full, or shallow and partial? 

Did you judge yourself on any of the responses to the above questions? Or any others that may have come to mind? 

Release it all. Release all expectations of the future. Release your stress. Release your tension. Release your judgement. Release it all out into the Universe. Spirit created you and Spirit can take it all, if you just release it. 

on the next inhale, breathe in that which the Spirit wants to give to you: joy, happiness, stress-free living. Breathe it all in. Take it. Drink from it. Consume it. It's all your's, if you want it. Just inhale it all. 

My House Felt Like a Home

Fall is always a tricky time for me. I love it. I loath it. It is during the Autumnal months when I most often experience growth personally so it resonates with me. It is a time when I reflect as I enter a new year of my life during the peak of fall. It is when the campfires in the backyard become a regular thing and houses become warm homes filled with the wafting scents of applesauce simmering in the crockpot, a big 'ol pot of chili on the stove top, and cornbread in the oven. It is when the shelves are full of the summer's harvest, safely nestled in their perfectly sealed jars for winter consumption. It is when I get to pull the old quilts out of their cedar lined drawers (ok, I don't actually have cedar lined drawers, but in my mind I do...however quilts are plentiful in this home). Hiking becomes enjoyable with the colors striking and vistas breathtaking.

And it's also the time of year when I lost my dad and moved in with my grandmother to help her die at peace in her home, now my home.

so it is tricky to navigate each year, but each year I am able to do so with a little more finesse. Grief does not know a timeline nor a season for sure, but Autumn is just tricky.

Today, I had some reflections I'd like to share:
I posted that my house smelled and felt like a home today. It felt cozy. It was not clean, but it was safe. My son was gleefully hosting a friend who is becoming more and more part of our extended family. It just felt like a home, not just a house.

When the aforementioned child was told, "it's time to come to the table, dinner's read." He looked at me as if I were an alien. And looked at my son like, "forreal?" So I explained we do this crazy thing called eating together at the table every morning and every evening. So he obliged, without any further hesitation. Apparently, despite telling me chili is fine, he does not like chili. But he ate several pieces of cornbread. And we talked. All three of us. We chatted. Laughed. Shared. Heard. We were a family. Even though none of us are blood related. I readily admit I am totally faking it when it comes to this parenting thing and I hit foul balls more than grand slams but on this issue, I hit it out of the ballpark: To break bread with others is to transform your relationship to family status. Even if for just that moment in time, you are family. Connected, bonded, a sister/brotherhood which cannot be broken in that moment. And, really, that moment is all we are guaranteed anyway. Trust me, I know, fall reminds me each year.

Today, grief played a big role in helping me morph my house into a home; four walls into a safe oasis. Three unrelated people into a family.

Today, my house felt like a home.

An Act of Beauty

My Vespa Scooter was stolen. Again. It was almost exactly two years ago when it was stolen the first time. In the past 23 months we've had two lawn mowers, the scooter (now twice), three bags of aluminum cans, a blue construction type tarp, a canopy tent...all stolen.

Each time it sends my son back into fight, flight, or freeze. More oft than not he chooses fight. We have been working on controlling emotions instead of allowing emotions to control you. And, while we still feel violated each time something is stolen from our home, it is a reminder, albeit a harsh one, that we can choose how much control we give to our emotions and emotional responses.

So I am angry, yes. I am violated and feel as such. I am struggling to work on a holiday weekend getting caught up on bookkeeping so I can properly pay my taxes...and yet reasonable responses are precisely what is called for. To respond irrationally does me no good and does not bring my scooter back to me. Similarly it does not serve my child well in relearning some poorly instilled behavioral responses to frustration and anger from an early age.

So we went for a quick hike to find beauty in this world...I believe for every act of ugly, we must intentionally create, meditate or focus on an act of beauty. Today we went to Tioga Falls for a brief hike and to play in the waterfall and resulting creek.

I am still without my Vespa scooter (nor the money to replace it), but I am a little less angry about it.

Your Power Lies in Your Thoughts

As I sit on the couch, house quiet, observing my son in the middle of his yoga practice I cannot help but to send my prayers to him that the most powerful tool he will ever possess is the tool of thought. To think critically. To think calmly. To think with an open mind. To think for himself. We have had a challenging week where the power of one's thoughts have become front and center. I pull up my favorite quote website (Quote Lady) and what quote to I find? One on thoughts, of course.

The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts: therefore, guard accordingly, and take care that you entertain no notions unsuitable to virtue and reasonable nature. ~ Marcus Aurelius

It has taken me a great number of years, and countless hours of practice, to be able to control my thoughts. And I still have many more years, and a mind-numbing number of hours of practice before me. But here I am...attempting to control my thoughts instead of my thoughts controlling me. A powerful lesson for us all in these trying times.