12 Reflections in 12 Minutes: 2017

Every year I spend 12 minutes, stream of conscious, reflecting on 12 lessons I've learned over the last year. So here you go:

1) Fight like hell to keep those you love alive.
2) Don't let anyone not know how much you love them.
3) You really don't need a big support system, just a few truly make the difference.
4) Find what you love, and pour every ounce of yourself into it.
5) Allow yourself to meander...in life, relationships, careers, goals, books, hobbies, it's how you evolve, remaining fresh and authentic to each stage of your life.
6) Clear the clutter! Take that however you wish.
7) Be mindful of whom you allow in your inner circle. Very mindful; you become them.
8) Always have a good attorney in your corner.
9) Pictures. Take them, print them, frame them, hang them, put them in your car visor, at your office. When people are gone, you'll have the memories and you'll also want more pictures.
10) Grief is not overcome, it is merely absorbed into one's life.
11) Be playful. Get down on the ground and play. Get your crayons out and color. Get some action heroes and role play. Pick up the controller and play some video games.
12) Get. Outside. And. Explore. Your neighborhood, area parks, creeks, the sky. Be curious about your world.

13) Bonus: To do well, you must do good.

Share your's if you'd like.

Mojo Style Roast Pork in the Crock Pot

As y'all know, I love ballin' on a budget! Like seriously, I love seeing just how much I can decrease my expenses and still have a fabulous quality of life. This is how I can afford things like vacation, camping trips (ever notice how expensive it is to go camping!? We may "glamp" a smidge, come to think of it.) and fueling my coffee shop addiction (YES! It's almost hot mocha season y'all!).

Here is my most recent ballin' on a budget recipe. I got the inspiration from my friend Adreanna, who shared a link to her husband's version (link at the end). I totally mixed it up and it was AMAZING!! I'll do the cost breakdown, too, and you can see how I am going to feed my son and I at least two full meals, my mother one (I am southern momma's boy, I set a plate of food aside for her at least once a month.) and will freeze some leftovers for a couple weeks from now all for less than $20, or $5/meal for 2 people! !

Pork shoulder roast--on sale, $12 (I don't recall the weight)
5 cloves (not bulbs) of garlic-- (25 cents (seriously))
1/2 medium onion (50 cents)
1 teaspoon Cumin (maybe $1 because I buy my spices from Penzeys)
2 Tablespoons Oregano ($1)
1 teaspoon Chili pepper flakes (25 cents)
Juice of four limes ($2)
1/4 cup OJ (35 cents)
smidge Smoked paprika (10 cents, a little goes a long way here folks)
1-2 teaspoons Fresh cracked pepper (25 cents)
Handful of new potatoes ($1 (?) )
Olive Oil (neglible, I forgot to measure anyway)

Finely grate the garlic (I honestly could've used twice as much, but my son doesn't have the same affinity for garlic as I do), combine with all the spices, lime juice and olive oil. I like to let it sit for 30 minutes to rehydrate all the spices and let the flavors begin to really mingle.

Meanwhile, take your roast out of the package, I always rinse it off because it seems slimy (is that just me?) and place in the crock pot. Spread the thinly sliced onions on top of the roast; smear the top of roast with the mojo sauce and let it sit for another 30 minutes. Then SLOWLY pour the orange juice on top of the roast being careful not to wash the mojo mix off.

Today, I cooked on low from 7 am--3 pm, turned off and let it just sit in its own amazing juices. Turned it back on high at 430 when I added the potatoes. Everything was AMAZING by dinner at 545. I paired this with a fresh salad and water.

Tomorrow I will shred some of the pork, add some apple juice (it really pairs well) and some homemade taco seasoning, jalapenos and bell peppers to simmer for about 20 minutes to make nachos.

I will shred the rest and freeze for either soup or bbq sandwiches later in the month. This main dish, coming in at under $20, will feed my son and me three meals and my mother one. This means a total of 7 main dishes for roughly 2.85 each. Add a side to each dish (green beans, salad, tater tots, etc) and you're coming in at approx. $5/meal MAX. Oh, did you notice what's missing? Salt. Preservatives. Chemicals. Yada, yada, yada. It CAN be done.

Here is the link to the original recipe, off of which I based mine: Cuban Style Roast Pork

Meatless Mondays--Vegetable Fried Quinoa

For the past month or so I have converted my family to Meatless Monday Menus. No particular reason except I am trying to increase fiber, broaden my recipe options, encourage more vegetable consumption all for a healthier life for my son and me.

Last night I made some chicken fried quinoa (think chicken fried rice, sub quinoa for rice). Tomorrow, Meatless Monday, I am revisiting this recipe and leaving the chicken out. Here is my recipe, sorta: 

Ingredients: 

Cold Quinoa (I used 1/2 cup uncooked to make two batches)

1/2 Orange Bell Pepper

1/2 Red Bell Pepper

1/2 Green Bell Pepper

1/2 Medium Onion

1/2 can of bamboo shoots

1ish thinly sliced jalapeno

1t crushed red peppers (optional)

2 eggs

1/2 inch finger of fresh ginger, finely grated

2 cloves of garlic, finely grated

olive oil

fish sauce

low sodium soy sauce

Olive Oil

Singapore Seasoning from Penzey's Spices

Make quinoa in advance, chill for at least an hour in the fridge. 

Slice all the veggies into strips 

Add 1-2 T olive oil to a skillet on high heat

Dump ALL veggies, bamboo shoots, garlic and ginger in

Here's the trick--use a HIGH HEAT to get a nice char on the veggies, which WILL happen without burning if you stir now and then. Once the charring is just happening, push the veggies to the sides of the skillet making a small circle in the center. Into this circle (you can add meat at this point if you are using meat, let the meat cook BEFORE adding the eggs), crack your eggs. Let them fry/scramble fully before mixing with the veggies. Mix it all up once eggs are fully cooked. Everything is mixed well, add the cold quinoa (I chose quinoa over rice because it's healthier and is an excellent source of protein). Splash a tiny bit of fish sauce, about 2T low sodium soy sauce and maybe 1T of singapore seasoning (YES!!!). Mix until thoroughly heated, ensuring the soy & fish sauce is fully mixed in w/ the veggies and quinoa. 

Remove from heat, serve with garnishment of crushed peanuts and lime wedges to bring out the flavors. 

Edited to add: This served both of us a healthy dinner portion and just enough leftover for my lunch. 

Enjoy! 

Double ETA: this recipe was inspired by emilybites.com as provided to me by my fabulous office manager, Chrissy.

PS--what are YOUR favorite Meatless Monday Meals? I need some new ones!!!

Keep. On. Going.

I recently picked up running again.

I forgot how much of a love/hate relationship I had with running.

I forgot how much I NEEDED running in my life when I did.

I. Need. Running.

Not just for the physical health factors, but also for the emotional, mental and spiritual health factors. And the social factors.

Being a single dad is hard. Being a single dad to a survivor of trauma is fucking hard! Running has regrounded me. I mean, literally, for miles on end I am constantly reaffirming my connection with Mother Earth by relying on the ground to both be there AND to support me as I take the next step.

I also rely on the journey inward that inevitably comes with running. This journey helps me process life and allows me to be a better dad when I come back home. Recently, I have become connected with other runners. (tangentially, isn't it odd how the Universe provides EVERYTHING we need in the moment we need it if we just open ourselves up to it?) My first run with a running buddy I pushed my goal from 3.2 miles to 5. And my most recent I pushed from 4 to 6.

The last half mile was add on to my last long run and I kept trying to talk myself out of running. One running buddy had already headed home to get to church on time. Another had just went right to go to their house to get to a friend's tri on time. And I headed left to get to my home and chores so I can go walk in the Ruck March with my friend Robyn this afternoon to raise awareness on the issue of veteran suicide prevention.

And it was that left turn when it was just me, the sidewalk, and Beastie Boys on pandora. And a very simple mantra came to my head: Just keep going! Don't stop. Won't stop. Get it, get it. Just. Keep. Going! And mere moments later,  I was at 6 miles and home. Boom. Done! So I want to leave you with this, regardless what you're going through, find your mantra and don't stop, won't stop, get it, get it...just keep going! You possess everything you'll ever need for every challenge and obstacle you'll ever face. Move forward with that knowledge and what is there that you can't overcome?

How to Enjoy the Farmer's Market

Some of you know I set up at a local Farmer's Market a few times a year. I have long patronized them and only begun selling my soaps and stuff the last four years at one. Here are some things I have learned to help you enjoy the market better:

Come with an open mind: 
You may find absolutely nothing you want to buy. Conversely, you may want to buy ALL the things. All. Of. Them. Be open to what the vendors have and broaden your horizons.

Come with small bills: 
Ok, this really helps the vendors but it also helps YOU not feel bad about taking all my singles. Countless times in a single market, customers apologize for giving me a twenty, when they are buying a $2 or $4 product. While I have plenty of singles for you, I hate that you feel bad, so just bring some smaller bills and it'll be less stressful for you.

Bring a bag, or three: 
One for your produce; one for breakable; one for soaps (shameless plug). You'll thank me later when your tomatoes don't taste like rosemary-mint soap. Although that does sound like a good soap combo!

Talk to the vendors, even if you're not purchasing anything: 
We LOVE our products and we love getting to know the customers. So talk to us. If there is a line, just be respectful that we may also serve other customers at the same time. We're all business owners and multi-tasking is our middle name!

Stay a spell: 
Really, we want you to stay for awhile and enjoy it. one of the perks that drew me to my favorite market in St. Pete was I got to know people and make friends JUST from being at the market. Don't be afraid to invite yourself to sit next to a stranger and strike up a conversation. My favorite is simply: What vendor do you recommend I go visit most? Usually there's live music at some point and also food vendors. It's a community gathering and brings back a sense of neighborliness that we could all use.

Avoid haggling: 
True. Some items are more expensive. Just keep on going if it doesn't work for your family economy. No hard feelings. Most of us are small business owners, we work 60+ hours a week, spend countless hours in research and development, making, labeling, setting up...the list goes on. We LOVE our product and the market and feel we are asking a fair price.

Bring a friend: 
I mean, everything's better with a friend, right?

Come back:
Inventory changes every week. Right now I am packed for tomorrow's market, but already have my inventory for June 24 picked out, too. And it's not the same. Come back.

Ballin' on a Budget: Breakfast Edition

Ballin' on a budget...breakfast edition:
Miniature crustless egg quiches

I use a brownie pan from Pampered Chef, but you could use cupcake tin as well (which I have).

9 eggs
dash of milk
1/3 lb sausage
2 tater tots per brownie well
cheese
vegetables
seasoning

Brown the sausage
Place 2-3 tater tots in each greased brownie well
whisk/scramble the eggs/milk
Chop whatever vegetables you have on hand (this morning I used leftover bell pepper, zucchini and mushrooms from last night's saute'd veggie side dish) add to the eggs
Add seasoning (I use Penzey's spices, salt free blends, Arizona Dreaming is my fave for this dish)
Add 1/2 or more of shredded or sliced cheese (I cut the slices into small pieces if I don't have a block to shred)
Add browned and mostly cooled sausage

Scoop egg mixture into each brownie well filling almost full (it puffs up a little as it cooks). I have learned using a cookie scooper and scooping from the bottom of the egg mixture up helps ensure good stuff gets in each miniature quiche. I also have learned to reserve a little of each additive (veggies, cheese, sausage) to sprinkle into each well on top to be sure...

Bake at 350 for 20-25 minutes. Take out, cool for 5 minutes, remove to a cooling rack and enjoy!

Cost breakdown:
Eggs : on sale for 88 cents a dozen
Milk: 25 cents max
Sausage: 1.25
Cheese: 1.00
veggies: 1.50 (really negligible because I use leftovers, but if you HAD to buy)
Seasoning: 50 cents
Tater tots: 50 cents
Total Cost: less than $6 for a dozen, which will last us two breakfasts.
Best part: I can control what I put in it, this is a GREAT way to get in extra veggies (I often put kale and spinach, i just forgot).
Better than Best Part: Freezes well, so make several batches, freeze flat, then put in a bag. Wrap in foil and heat in oven for 30 minutes while showering, when out of shower you have a warm, healthy, delicious and inexpensive breakfast!

Additional options: I use leftover chicken, bacon (like there's any leftover!?), ham from the holidays, turkey...it all goes well! I mix up the spices. Sometimes I do a southwest style with jalapenos and paprika, sometimes I do a smoked quiche with smoked paprika and smoked ham...you can put them on a biscuit (which also freezes well as a breakfast sandwich.

Bon apetit!

An Authentic Life

I love sitting outside. I have a lanai, or a space in my backyard that I affectionately refer to as my lanai. The patio set was on loan from a friend as they were in between home ownership--renting--home ownership. Well, now they're a homeowner again so they are enjoying their patio set again. And I am given the wonderful opportunity to create my own backyard oasis.

And I also live on a very strict budget...in which a new patio set did not fall. So I am doing my lanai on a dime! I remembered I had an old rickety metal bistro table with a broken leg, I have two plastic lawn chairs on the porch and some large flower pots. Then I remembered I also have a huge indoor/outdoor area rug I bought for a festival last year. If I put the table umbrella sand base thing in the center of the table and put the umbrella in it, the table stays upright, even on three legs! The area rugs helps to level the uneven ground for my rickety chairs and the flower pots add some splashes of color and foliage to make it my oasis!

Last night was the first night that I had it assembled and did so while my son was watching television. When he came out to join me, the first thing out of his mouth was, "you're going to meditate out here aren't you?" Not in a sarcastic and antagonizing way but in a matter of fact way. To be honest, I hadn't thought of it but once he did I was like, "YES! And you can do your yoga out here too!" He agreed that it looked super cozy. And we stayed out watching fireflies and bats for an hour chatting about life, aliens, UFOs (ugh), bonfires, camping, high school...it was perfect.

In reflection, I was impressed he pegged it as a safe place of meditation and respite. I guess I live my life authentically if he can just look at something and figure it all out. I will post a pic shortly, for now I need to get back to enjoying the birds chirping, rabbits frolicking, and my son still sleeping!

Two Most Important Months

May & June are possibly the two most important months to me: Foster Care Awareness/Appreciation Month and LGBT Pride Month!

In our little 850 square foot home, we combine both of these months year 'round, really. But these two months are our's. They belong to us to celebrate. They are us!

When I was living in Florida, I had a burning desire to be a dad. I lived there for 7 years yearning to give a home to a child without one. Yet I never formally began the process. This was post-Anita Bryant and Florida still had archaic laws on the books regarding adoption by gays and lesbians. There was a court case where a gay couple had been fostering hard-to-place children but when it came time to make it permanent through adoption--the law said they couldn't! You read that correctly...for gays and lesbians to adopt was illegal! Against the law.

Lie. Some people said. But how could I when some friends and I had walked in the inaugural St. Petersburg Pride parade? When I had guided so many scared children to live their authentic lives? When I was so proud of who I had worked so hard to love? How could I bring a child into my heart and soul under the pretense of being anything other than who I was 100%? And so I didn't.

The first question I asked the trainer for my foster care class when I *did* begin the journey a decade later in Kentucky (right?) was about placing with an lgbt family. "Not a problem. My goal is to place children with the best home, I don't care if that's single, gay, married, straight..." GREAT! And so I began the process.

Six months later I had my bundle of joy. Two years after that, we were a permanent forever family.

And now, we celebrate Foster Care Awareness/Appreciation month as an integral and unfortunate part of our history, and LGBT pride month as a critical part of our present. What does the future hold? Lots of pride. I can tell you that.

I am proud of my son. When he first discovered, definitively, that I was gay he thought I was going to rape him. This was 9 months after being together. Now, 4 years later, he is active in his school's Gay-Straight Alliance! I am proud of myself because my son has PTSD flashback moments where he is transported from the present to times of trauma and I have learned how to bring him back. I am proud of my son because he was on the all F and D grade track when we became a family and now he finished middle school with a 3.75GPA (that's basically all A, B and a couple C grades all year...in fact, all middle school!). I am proud of St. Joe's Children's Home for being an advocate for children, not a pedagogy or political wind. I am proud of the little family my son and I have created together. It isn't perfect and it is super messy, but it is perfect for us.

So this month, if you are a member of the LGBT community please find something you're proud of about yourself. Dig deep if you have to because you are beautiful! And if you're not a member of the LGBT community, please respectfully join our celebrations to celebrate us--it's not your month but we do need you. And the other 11 months, remember we're still here, too. Remember the laws still do not favor us. Remember that it is your job to help dismantle that year 'round...don't be our allies in June because we throw great parties, be our allies in the voting booths too. Be proud of that.

My Six Steps to Life Happiness

I'm sitting on my lanai (I don't have one, for those of you new to my obsession with being out on my lanai), surrounded by my gorgeously blooming flowers (actually, none are blooming nor are they gorgeous, they were on clearance or free, but they have hope!), I am kid free (for 12ish hours) and on a self imposed indulgent vacation (during which I will eat ice cream and watch netflix)...but I am totally complete in this moment. 

Here are a few steps I've taken to reach this stage of my life: 

Partied the hell out of my 20's

I know, right now I'm a total stick-in-the-mud. But in my late teens and early 20's...gurl...I was all sparkled up, drunk and at a club or party. Every Friday and Saturday, most Thursdays, some Sundays and the occasional Tuesday. I partied my way through my early 20's and I'm so grateful I did, because now I can enter my 40's without any regrets and fully embracing this evolution of my life. 

Research and be in touch with *my* health

Yes, you need to know your genetic predisposition to this and to that. But what has been helpful for me is knowing things like I can't tolerate heavy cream-based foods, I need 4-6 hours of sleep a night, plus a 15 minute nap, red bull and vodka makes me angry and want to fight (and I usually do what I want so...), spending quiet time alone to start each day helps ensure a better day for everyone, you get the picture. Whatever it is for you, just be aware of it and do it. When I was running I kept a running journal and recorded everything. This is when I became acutely aware of trends and patterns. I found a doctor who spends almost an hour with me at my annual wellness check and asks things like, "are you getting any sex?" because she looks at the whole person. This has been critical to finding my bliss. 

Worked my ass off! 

Seriously, my parents raised me on a very meager family income. My mom worked full time and maintained a 4.0 gpa in college while my dad owned his own body shop and was in the army reserves. They instilled in my nobody owes me anything, except myself. I owe myself a great deal. So if I want it, I need to work my ass off for it. Even in those earlier party days I mentioned, I still worked 40-60 hours a week and never missed a commitment or obligation. 

I've been steadfast in my word, honesty and integrity

I have found that when I strayed from this, there was SO much to keep up with...who did I tell what and why? When I'm honest and full of integrity, there's so much less to have to keep up with and it's easier because, you know, truth...has set me free. 

Living an authentic and unapologetic life

I came out to my friends (some) when I was in high school. Came out to others in college. And my family when I was 20 or 21. From that day forward I made a commitment to myself that I was going to live my life authentically and stop asking anyone's permission or apologizing for it. People are uncomfortable...but it's not my place to make them comfortable.

Remain active in your House of Spirit

In Florida--the beach; in Kentucky--the forests, creeks, rivers, lakes and mountains. To these houses of Spirit, I shall always return and be eternally grateful.

So there you have it...these are six steps that I can attribute my life-happiness and completion to. I don't know you, so I don't have suggestions or shoulds or oughttas or what have you. I do have a desire for everyone to be happy, fulfilled, complete and blissful. I hope that you have found your path to that and, if you haven't, maybe some (or none or all) of these steps might help spark some ideas to help you along the journey. Or, at least, that's my 26.2 cents worth. . . 

To Life a Full Life

My dear and departed Brian Allen was my first experience with suicide that I recall. I loved Brian. He was an inspiration to so many and was a beautiful person, inside and out. But he had demons. Demons he tried with all his might to slay...but they slayed him instead. In 2002, just before I move to Florida, Brian laid himself on the train track along Frankfort Avenue in Louisville, KY, as a train was coming. A tragic ending to a beautiful life. He taught me so many things and some of them are contained in this letter he gave out to people with his annual Christmas card the year before he died.

To Live a Full Life
Brian Allen, circa 2001
Living a full life means making a specific commitment to practice and working to develop specific personal qualities: be a good communicator of vision; Be honest and trustworthy; Be flexible to change; Be creative; Be gracious and respect all persons; Value the power of acceptance; Be calm during crises; Promote and foster a team effort; Be deeply committed to the concept that unified efforts far outweigh all individual endeavors combined; Be respectful of others and yourself by following through on your words and commitments.

Be sure to let those closest to you know their importance in your journey before it's too late; Know when to say thank you and give others thanks openly. Listen and listen and listen. Be compassionate; Know that there are times to be strong and times to be vulnerable. Accept the duty to serve the community and take a stand on those issues that are closest to your heart. Promote and value diversity. Take responsibility for your own actions and don't blame the past, knowing change begins with yourself. Know the importance of failure, embrace it and learn from it. Be persistent, especially when pursuing dreams that give your life hope and meaning. Face challenges with courage, guts and determination. Trust others as you implement your vision.

Know the expense of getting stuck when all seems to go wrong. Move ahead with faith that the solution may be near and unexpected. Have a constant thirst for knowledge and a daily commitment towards personal development. Make a big deal about people's names. Be involved in helping others realize their own personal goals. Realize only through giving to yourself generously can you give to others unconditionally. Recognize the unselfishness of having Life Enhancers as a central part of each day. Laugh, enjoy and believe; our purpose on Earth is to help one another.

Brian Allen

Perspective

Recently I've taken to hiking. Short hikes, medium hikes and long (for me) hikes. I love going in the morning and in the heat of the day. I love going before it rains and after. Sunny or shade. Each hike, no matter how many times I've been on the same trail, is different. Probably because I am different. And different people have been on the trail since the last time, even if it is less than a week apart. Each hiker takes from the forest what they need, and leaves that which they no longer need.

Today, I decided to pay attention to the tiny mushrooms, lichen and fungi growing along the trail. It has been a wet week punctuated with periods of sun and heat...the perfect breeding ground for mushroom colonies to explode, or so I am told. And the pictures did not disappoint. I have included some for your viewing.

But what came to me as I was attempting to capture my final clump of mushrooms was this: Perspective. Two people (or more) can look at the exact same thing and have a totally different perspective; experience perhaps! Let me give you an example:

In this first picture, one might describe the mushrooms as smooth, relatively flat, solid, glossy. And they'd be right.

And in this second picture, one might describe the mushrooms as striated, rough, opaque, thin. And they'd be right. 

And in this one, they might use all the words above. And they'd be right. 

You see, all three pictures are of the exact same clump of mushrooms, the only thing different was perspective. Sometimes we get so stuck on looking at things from one perspective and insistent that what we're seeing is, in fact, a smooth, thick, glossy surface and another person is equally confident they're seeing a rough, translucent, frail surface. Both are equally right. I am going to try to remember this the next time I am engaged in an exchange with someone and I am as confident they are that my perspective is The Right One. . . because their perspective is probably also right, I just need to be willing to see it. At least that's my 26.2 cents worth...

A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, her trust is not in the branch but in her own wings. Believe in yourself.

If I have achieved one thing in my career, I hope that it is that I have inspired at least one person to "believe in yourself" along the way.

We are quick to accept responsibility for all the screw ups in our lives, but give away responsibility for the successes. Why? I believe it is because we do not believe in ourselves...our capability to soar when the branch breaks!

Stop. Just stop.

Believe in yourself.

Believe in your ability to hear the cracking of the branch.

Believe in yourself to flap your wings at the right moment.

Believe in yourself to soar.

Believe in yourself to find the right next branch.

And believe in yourself to do it again and again, because that's life.

Believe in yourself.

Fighting Bias, Bigotry and Racism through Storytelling

Years ago, when I was working for a non profit in the Tampa Bay area we had what we affectionately called "Oprah Moments." This was the most diverse staff I've ever had the fortune to work with...diverse with regards to gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity, language, age...the one thing that bound us all together was our devotion to fight bias, bigotry, and racism. That was our mission. We were charged with finding new ways to achieve this lofty goal while also implementing tried and true methods. 

The days were long and the pay was short. But I'll never forget the relationships I had during that time of my life. I do not keep up with many of my colleagues as we've all gone our separate ways as the agency took on a very different direction. But the thing I'll remember most were those "Oprah Moments." 

These moments just happened extemporaneously. My colleague and intern, Viancca's desk was right beside mine and my colleague, Tarra's was across the room (actually two rooms but with the divider opened). There were two ancient chairs in the middle of the room kinda cocked at an angle (and I remember a big mirror?). It was not uncommon for other colleagues to come in, have a seat in one of the chairs and we'd just chat. Sometimes it was work related and sometimes it wasn't. Limewire was popular at that time and sometimes we'd listen to the newest downloaded song, clip, file, etc. I don't think YouTube was around and FaceBook definitely wasn't. But we chatted. We shared stories. Stories about family. Stories about hair. Stories about beliefs. Stories about religion. Stories about our hopes, fears and dreams. We talked. We got to know each other as humans, brothers and sisters in this journey of life. Little did I know, but in those moments we had achieved our mission of fighting bias, bigotry and racism. Perhaps this was the most powerful component to ANY of the programs we ran...talking and listening. 

Ultimately, as the organization began its restructuring, I was the first one to be let go. The level of betrayal I felt has stuck with me for years, not because my co-workers actually did anything to me. But because the moments and stories we shared as colleagues actually created a surrogate family for me when my own family was 900 miles away. It's hard to have that ripped away from you. 

But now, 15ish years later, I am able to reflect on that moment, and those feelings of betrayal, as testimonies to the power of sharing stories. In sharing stories we also share our vulnerabilities. The byproduct? Personal strength. Collective strength. And the manifestation of our mission...to fight bias, bigotry and racism. 

Over the next couple of days, please join me in stepping into vulnerability to find strength through sharing a story with someone who may be different from you. How you define that difference is up to you. Be prepared, though, you may find yourself with an extended family and the world a little better as a result! 

character is...

Many moons ago, I developed, managed, and implemented Character Education classes for numerous schools, school districts, youth groups, church groups, etc. This week I've taught a couple of Ethics classes. I wanted to share this quote I have tried to always use as my character-barometer. . .

...to return to compassion

The last couple of months have been hell. I have never managed an ultra marathon, but I imagine we've been running the badlands ultra marathon (google it).

And I must admit I've strayed from being the most compassionate person I would like to be. So I have gone to the great google to search for some quotes from The Dalai Lama, whom I've long admired, read and even heard speak. This will be a short entry because I want to encourage you to spend time on the quotes I've chosen:

You must not hate those who do wrong or harmful things; but with compassion you must do what you can to stop them--for they are harming themselves, as well as those who suffer from their actions. 

Every single being, even those who are hostile towards us, is just as afraid of suffering as we are, and seeks happiness in the same ways we do. Every person has the same right as we do to be happy and and not to suffer. So let's take care of others wholeheartedly, of both our friends and our enemies. That is the basis for true compassion. 

Dalai Lama XIX

After reading these quotes, reflecting and meditating on them I am forced to confront the answer to my own question of : what have I done to manifest compassion for those who have done wrong and harmful things. And the answer is quite overwhelmingly: Not enough.

Today, be compassionate. Tomorrow, be compassionate.

Healthy Eating on a Budget

So one of the things some of my friends marvel at is my ability to stretch a penny into a quarter. I cut my teeth on stretching it to a nickle, learned to make it into a dime when I was an AmeriCorps member (any other AC alums out there?) and then when I got laid off from a job in Florida and launched my own practice/consulting group I turned that dime into a quarter, y'all!

When it comes to eating I often hear the argument that it is much cheaper to eat ready to eat foods...foods you basically just heat up and serve. But it's not. Ounce per ounce you are paying a lot more. And I'm not smart enough to factor in the added health care and decreased quality of life that some of those processed foods may bring (i.e. for me my blood pressure would be through the roof if I ate that stuff due to the sodium content!).

Friends of all financial means have often asked me to share with them some of my tips. This week I wanted to share with you what our meals will look like (this is primarily dinner focused):
(in disclosure, this *does* take some advance planning before going to the grocery store and assumes an established spice rack)

Purchased a whole fryer chicken on Sunday for $5.32 and here's how I'll use it:
Sunday Night:
Slow simmered the chicken in a pot of water along with celery, carrots, onions, garlic, ginger and italian seasoning (it's what I grabbed). Simmered for a couple of hours!

Pulled some chicken off, add a smidge of bbq sauce (Sweet Baby Rays, on sale 10 for $10)
Tossed a diced potato in some olive oil and curry seasoning, pan "fried" in 1/2 T of butter for 5ish minutes, baked at 350 for 20ish minutes
Added tossed salad with fresh strawberry slices
Total Cost:
Chicken: $1.50
Potato: .50 (cents y'all!)
Salad: $1
Misc. Seasonings: $3 (including onion, celery, carrot, spices, etc.)
Total dinner for two: $7 on the high end

Monday: 
TACOS!!
Shredded some chicken and simmered in homemade taco seasoning (no salt!) along with half an onion and a quarter each of yellow and orange bell pepper. used some frozen corn from a catered meal I had awhile back and added jalapenos, smoked paprika, garlic and ancho peppers
Total Cost:
Chicken: $1.50
Peppers: $2
Taco Shells: $1.50 (half a pack)
Corn: .50 (cents) if I had to buy
Cheese and other add ons: .75 (cents) (cheese was on clearance y'all!)
Total Cost for two: 6.25

Tuesday:
My son has requested the BBQ again so see above, this time I'll make homemade baked french fries and some green beans.
Total Cost this time: 6.50

Wednesday: 
Grilled cheese with shredded curried chicken (we make fancy grilled cheese)
Cost:
Chicken: $1.00
Cheese: $2.00 (we'll use a variety of cheeses)
Misc. Greens on the sandwich: .50 (cents)
Apple sauce (not sure, I make it by the gallons in the fall)
Total Cost for two: $5 MAX depending on apple costs and such

Thursday:
First day of summer vacation, we'll eat out

Friday:
Homemade pizza!
Sourdough pizza crust: 50 cents
Pasta Sauce (just as good as pizza sauce): 1.00 (organic and on sale !)
Pizza herb topping to make the sauce pop (salt free)
Chicken topping: $1.50
Bell peppers, mushrooms, cheese: $3
Total for two: $6

Fret not, I will still work that chicken for all it is worth by simmering on Sunday and making some delicious soup. We will be sick and tired of chicken by then so I'll freeze it for later. Sometimes I pressure can it as it's easier for a last minute meal.

So we ate almost all week on a $5 chicken for $30 for five meals for two people ($15/person or $3/meal/person) and it was all balanced, sodium free (or low sodium factoring in cheese, pasta sauce, etc.) and mostly homemade from scratch so I *know* what goes into it.

That's how I both stay on budget AND eat healthy foods. What are some of your favorite tips and tricks? In all honesty, I could have gotten this cost down a LOT more if I only used veggies on clearance.

Sunday Funday--Health & Wellness Edition!

As some of you are aware, I have been battling my blood pressure for a few years now. Somehow, I've managed to keep it hovering at either the high end of "ok" or the low end of "pre-hypertension" for three years through diet and lifestyle changes.

Each year for my birthday, I gift myself an annual wellness exam from my doctor (I know, so exciting, right?) in an attempt to change my genetic predisposition to an early death. Statistically speaking, I've got about 15 years left. I am determined to change that as I want to spoil my grandkids rotten! 

My last exam (November, 2016) my doctor said if it remained where it was, she was going to discuss the reality of having to go on BP meds. I already stopped drinking (7/1/2012 or 2013) and have already significantly reduced my sodium. Her suggestion to lower it: lose 10-20 lbs. Ok doc, got it! She made me download the app: My Fitness Pal App on my phone to keep track of my calories. I've slowly lost a couple pounds and kept them off. I'm happy. BUT...

I am recommitting myself in the following ways: 

• Increasing cardio
• Adding resistance training
• Returning to daily meditation
• More fresh fruits & veggies
• Finding physical activities I enjoy at this stage of my life

So today was my Sunday Funday--Health & Wellness Edition! These Sundays require advance planning--I must get my household tasks completed Saturday evening, including figuring out my son's Sunday schedule for the days I wish to do activities he has no interest (or that I simply wish to do solo). Today, all the stars aligned and...I conquered a four-mile hike in the beautiful Jefferson Memorial Forest with one of my former ducklings and hiking buddy! Man, I sure could tell I am closing in on 40 and he's barely 22 on some of the crazy inclines along the Purple Heart Trail. But he was a trooper and slowed down a bit as I hoofed it up, sweat literally pouring off my face, down my back and ...well, everywhere! 

My friend Robyn also brought over an entire flat of freshly picked strawberries so I was able to end my day by making a delicious and healthy smoothie that tasted more like a gourmet milkshake. Super easy to make:

• Step 1: Add fresh strawberries, container of yogurt, some milk. Blend. 
• Step 2: Add frozen fruits, a few chocolate chips and fresh ginger. Blend again. 
• Step 3: Enjoy! 

I would have taken a pic of our smoothies but...well...they didn't last that long!

I am always looking for more ways to help my family increase our health and wellness, particularly if it helps to lower my blood pressure. If you're in the area (or within a few hour drive) and want to connect for a hike, please let me know! Otherwise, what are some of your favorite (non pharmaceutical ) strategies? 

...feed just one...

A few years ago my mother bought me a book about Mother Teresa. I will admit, the book was not a "fun" book to read and it actually took me several attempts and years to make my way through (most of) it. It just wasn't my style of book. I don't even recall the name of it. Regardless. . .

In it, there was a story. Either she was being interviewed, or just asked questions, or just talking or teaching who knows (clearly the book was memorable) and the question was posed (paraphrasing):
Mother Teresa, how do you get up each day and feed these children, knowing there are thousands more and you do not have enough to feed them all?

Mother Teresa (paraphrasing): If you can't feed 100, feed just one.

This quote has sustained me many times. I was a foster parent; I am an adoptive parent. I always wanted a large house with lots of children. The child God entrusted me to raise needs to be an only child for various reasons. And I need to be a dad of only one child, for various reasons. Sometimes I get bummed because I want more children, damn it! And sometimes I get bummed because I wonder if when I am old, I will have my own child and grandchildren around me or if it'll just be me and my dog enjoying the lazy days in our RV on the beach.

But oftentimes, I get overwhelmed because there are so many children who need loving homes. And I have one of those loving homes! One of the hardest things for me to do was to formally close my home as a foster home and request to be taken off the referrals e-mail list for kids needing foster homes. It closed the opportunity to foster and adopt more children, and in my heart I knew in that moment it was a door that was permanently being sealed shut.

So I often return to Mother Teresa's wisdom: If you can't feed 100, feed just one.

Sometimes we think we have to do big things to make big differences, but we don't. We just have to feed one to make a big difference to that one person. Their belly is full. Their heart is warm. Their spirit is nurtured. Our Calling is manifested.

If you can't feed 100, feed just one. Who are you feeding today? Please send me your stories of feeding just one, or perhaps stories of being fed, along with your permission or not to summarize and share. If you have an event coming up soon, or in the distant future, please let me know so I can help you.

Additional Information:
My friend Lorilea and I are co-chairing (she doesn't know that yet) a Christmas in July brunch to benefit the children living in and supported through St. Joseph's Children's Home (Click here to learn more about St. Joe's). We don't have the details yet, but please stay tuned.

My friend Robyn and I are going to attempt the full Carry the Fallen Ruck March (22 hours of walking with a full pack on) to raise awareness about suicide prevention within our military veteran population (Click here to learn more about: Active Heros) I walked with her a few hours last year in honor and memory of my own father, a fallen hero, to say it was "a good time" is misleading...but it is a good time to feed just one. One person we'll never know or meet perhaps, but we'll be able to feed them anyway. Perhaps not nutritionally, but we all need more than physical nutrients in our lives.

I will try to post here. But you can also like my professional FB page (Click here to like: Infinite Balance Massage) where I will, no doubt, solicit support in helping to feed just one.

...long overdue

wow. It has been four long years since I last posted.

And yet, in the grand scheme of things four years seems so short.

In that time span a few things have changed. Of these two are most notable:
I have adopted my son.
I have undergone a mid-life career and life transformation.

A few other things to note:
I can barely pound the pavement for a 5k, a marathon is currently out of the question.
I am running an ultra marathon like I've never run before: Single parenthood!
My weight has skyrocketed, and along with it my blood pressure.
Meditation is my daily savior.
I still love bacon (see above note about weight and blood pressure).
Sourdough baking and soap making have become therapeutic passions of mine.


In general, I see life differently. I look in the mirror and see a different person. I listen to (or read) my words, and I hear a different person. I look around my house, and I see a different home. Ahh, the journey of evolution is strong in Louisville on my little street. Speaking of which, I bought a house.

Journey. Evolution. Strength. Revelation.

One word for each year. Seems par for the course as I seek to simplify what was once a complicated life. Now, I just enjoy an evening at home, watching a stupid movie with my son. I find pleasure in mixing oils, lye and water to make soap. There is beauty in the simple pleasures in life. I have learned that some of my running was not towards a healthy life, rather it was from an unhealthy one. And sometimes that unhealthy influence was myself. But from it, I can no longer run. I must run towards it, into it, because I am it. I do not wish to emerge NOT being me; I wish to emerge being the best me possible.

I don't know what brought me back to this blog after a four-year hiatus. Maybe I have a story to tell. Maybe you have a story I need to hear. Probably both. Maybe I have an egocentric need to document the next phase of my life because it'll be revolutionary! Or mundane. Either are ok, really. But my plans for the future of this blog include to chronicle my journey to lower my blood pressure, conquering the demons of my past, present and facing the ones in my future head on, and continuing to be the best father I can possibly be to my son as he emerges into a young man. Maybe you'll join me, maybe you won't. Maybe we'll endeavor on this journey together, maybe we won't. But the journeys will go on, with or without us. That's life.

Stay tuned. More to come.