Keep. On. Going.

I recently picked up running again.

I forgot how much of a love/hate relationship I had with running.

I forgot how much I NEEDED running in my life when I did.

I. Need. Running.

Not just for the physical health factors, but also for the emotional, mental and spiritual health factors. And the social factors.

Being a single dad is hard. Being a single dad to a survivor of trauma is fucking hard! Running has regrounded me. I mean, literally, for miles on end I am constantly reaffirming my connection with Mother Earth by relying on the ground to both be there AND to support me as I take the next step.

I also rely on the journey inward that inevitably comes with running. This journey helps me process life and allows me to be a better dad when I come back home. Recently, I have become connected with other runners. (tangentially, isn't it odd how the Universe provides EVERYTHING we need in the moment we need it if we just open ourselves up to it?) My first run with a running buddy I pushed my goal from 3.2 miles to 5. And my most recent I pushed from 4 to 6.

The last half mile was add on to my last long run and I kept trying to talk myself out of running. One running buddy had already headed home to get to church on time. Another had just went right to go to their house to get to a friend's tri on time. And I headed left to get to my home and chores so I can go walk in the Ruck March with my friend Robyn this afternoon to raise awareness on the issue of veteran suicide prevention.

And it was that left turn when it was just me, the sidewalk, and Beastie Boys on pandora. And a very simple mantra came to my head: Just keep going! Don't stop. Won't stop. Get it, get it. Just. Keep. Going! And mere moments later,  I was at 6 miles and home. Boom. Done! So I want to leave you with this, regardless what you're going through, find your mantra and don't stop, won't stop, get it, get it...just keep going! You possess everything you'll ever need for every challenge and obstacle you'll ever face. Move forward with that knowledge and what is there that you can't overcome?

How to Enjoy the Farmer's Market

Some of you know I set up at a local Farmer's Market a few times a year. I have long patronized them and only begun selling my soaps and stuff the last four years at one. Here are some things I have learned to help you enjoy the market better:

Come with an open mind: 
You may find absolutely nothing you want to buy. Conversely, you may want to buy ALL the things. All. Of. Them. Be open to what the vendors have and broaden your horizons.

Come with small bills: 
Ok, this really helps the vendors but it also helps YOU not feel bad about taking all my singles. Countless times in a single market, customers apologize for giving me a twenty, when they are buying a $2 or $4 product. While I have plenty of singles for you, I hate that you feel bad, so just bring some smaller bills and it'll be less stressful for you.

Bring a bag, or three: 
One for your produce; one for breakable; one for soaps (shameless plug). You'll thank me later when your tomatoes don't taste like rosemary-mint soap. Although that does sound like a good soap combo!

Talk to the vendors, even if you're not purchasing anything: 
We LOVE our products and we love getting to know the customers. So talk to us. If there is a line, just be respectful that we may also serve other customers at the same time. We're all business owners and multi-tasking is our middle name!

Stay a spell: 
Really, we want you to stay for awhile and enjoy it. one of the perks that drew me to my favorite market in St. Pete was I got to know people and make friends JUST from being at the market. Don't be afraid to invite yourself to sit next to a stranger and strike up a conversation. My favorite is simply: What vendor do you recommend I go visit most? Usually there's live music at some point and also food vendors. It's a community gathering and brings back a sense of neighborliness that we could all use.

Avoid haggling: 
True. Some items are more expensive. Just keep on going if it doesn't work for your family economy. No hard feelings. Most of us are small business owners, we work 60+ hours a week, spend countless hours in research and development, making, labeling, setting up...the list goes on. We LOVE our product and the market and feel we are asking a fair price.

Bring a friend: 
I mean, everything's better with a friend, right?

Come back:
Inventory changes every week. Right now I am packed for tomorrow's market, but already have my inventory for June 24 picked out, too. And it's not the same. Come back.

Ballin' on a Budget: Breakfast Edition

Ballin' on a budget...breakfast edition:
Miniature crustless egg quiches

I use a brownie pan from Pampered Chef, but you could use cupcake tin as well (which I have).

9 eggs
dash of milk
1/3 lb sausage
2 tater tots per brownie well
cheese
vegetables
seasoning

Brown the sausage
Place 2-3 tater tots in each greased brownie well
whisk/scramble the eggs/milk
Chop whatever vegetables you have on hand (this morning I used leftover bell pepper, zucchini and mushrooms from last night's saute'd veggie side dish) add to the eggs
Add seasoning (I use Penzey's spices, salt free blends, Arizona Dreaming is my fave for this dish)
Add 1/2 or more of shredded or sliced cheese (I cut the slices into small pieces if I don't have a block to shred)
Add browned and mostly cooled sausage

Scoop egg mixture into each brownie well filling almost full (it puffs up a little as it cooks). I have learned using a cookie scooper and scooping from the bottom of the egg mixture up helps ensure good stuff gets in each miniature quiche. I also have learned to reserve a little of each additive (veggies, cheese, sausage) to sprinkle into each well on top to be sure...

Bake at 350 for 20-25 minutes. Take out, cool for 5 minutes, remove to a cooling rack and enjoy!

Cost breakdown:
Eggs : on sale for 88 cents a dozen
Milk: 25 cents max
Sausage: 1.25
Cheese: 1.00
veggies: 1.50 (really negligible because I use leftovers, but if you HAD to buy)
Seasoning: 50 cents
Tater tots: 50 cents
Total Cost: less than $6 for a dozen, which will last us two breakfasts.
Best part: I can control what I put in it, this is a GREAT way to get in extra veggies (I often put kale and spinach, i just forgot).
Better than Best Part: Freezes well, so make several batches, freeze flat, then put in a bag. Wrap in foil and heat in oven for 30 minutes while showering, when out of shower you have a warm, healthy, delicious and inexpensive breakfast!

Additional options: I use leftover chicken, bacon (like there's any leftover!?), ham from the holidays, turkey...it all goes well! I mix up the spices. Sometimes I do a southwest style with jalapenos and paprika, sometimes I do a smoked quiche with smoked paprika and smoked ham...you can put them on a biscuit (which also freezes well as a breakfast sandwich.

Bon apetit!

An Authentic Life

I love sitting outside. I have a lanai, or a space in my backyard that I affectionately refer to as my lanai. The patio set was on loan from a friend as they were in between home ownership--renting--home ownership. Well, now they're a homeowner again so they are enjoying their patio set again. And I am given the wonderful opportunity to create my own backyard oasis.

And I also live on a very strict budget...in which a new patio set did not fall. So I am doing my lanai on a dime! I remembered I had an old rickety metal bistro table with a broken leg, I have two plastic lawn chairs on the porch and some large flower pots. Then I remembered I also have a huge indoor/outdoor area rug I bought for a festival last year. If I put the table umbrella sand base thing in the center of the table and put the umbrella in it, the table stays upright, even on three legs! The area rugs helps to level the uneven ground for my rickety chairs and the flower pots add some splashes of color and foliage to make it my oasis!

Last night was the first night that I had it assembled and did so while my son was watching television. When he came out to join me, the first thing out of his mouth was, "you're going to meditate out here aren't you?" Not in a sarcastic and antagonizing way but in a matter of fact way. To be honest, I hadn't thought of it but once he did I was like, "YES! And you can do your yoga out here too!" He agreed that it looked super cozy. And we stayed out watching fireflies and bats for an hour chatting about life, aliens, UFOs (ugh), bonfires, camping, high school...it was perfect.

In reflection, I was impressed he pegged it as a safe place of meditation and respite. I guess I live my life authentically if he can just look at something and figure it all out. I will post a pic shortly, for now I need to get back to enjoying the birds chirping, rabbits frolicking, and my son still sleeping!

Two Most Important Months

May & June are possibly the two most important months to me: Foster Care Awareness/Appreciation Month and LGBT Pride Month!

In our little 850 square foot home, we combine both of these months year 'round, really. But these two months are our's. They belong to us to celebrate. They are us!

When I was living in Florida, I had a burning desire to be a dad. I lived there for 7 years yearning to give a home to a child without one. Yet I never formally began the process. This was post-Anita Bryant and Florida still had archaic laws on the books regarding adoption by gays and lesbians. There was a court case where a gay couple had been fostering hard-to-place children but when it came time to make it permanent through adoption--the law said they couldn't! You read that correctly...for gays and lesbians to adopt was illegal! Against the law.

Lie. Some people said. But how could I when some friends and I had walked in the inaugural St. Petersburg Pride parade? When I had guided so many scared children to live their authentic lives? When I was so proud of who I had worked so hard to love? How could I bring a child into my heart and soul under the pretense of being anything other than who I was 100%? And so I didn't.

The first question I asked the trainer for my foster care class when I *did* begin the journey a decade later in Kentucky (right?) was about placing with an lgbt family. "Not a problem. My goal is to place children with the best home, I don't care if that's single, gay, married, straight..." GREAT! And so I began the process.

Six months later I had my bundle of joy. Two years after that, we were a permanent forever family.

And now, we celebrate Foster Care Awareness/Appreciation month as an integral and unfortunate part of our history, and LGBT pride month as a critical part of our present. What does the future hold? Lots of pride. I can tell you that.

I am proud of my son. When he first discovered, definitively, that I was gay he thought I was going to rape him. This was 9 months after being together. Now, 4 years later, he is active in his school's Gay-Straight Alliance! I am proud of myself because my son has PTSD flashback moments where he is transported from the present to times of trauma and I have learned how to bring him back. I am proud of my son because he was on the all F and D grade track when we became a family and now he finished middle school with a 3.75GPA (that's basically all A, B and a couple C grades all year...in fact, all middle school!). I am proud of St. Joe's Children's Home for being an advocate for children, not a pedagogy or political wind. I am proud of the little family my son and I have created together. It isn't perfect and it is super messy, but it is perfect for us.

So this month, if you are a member of the LGBT community please find something you're proud of about yourself. Dig deep if you have to because you are beautiful! And if you're not a member of the LGBT community, please respectfully join our celebrations to celebrate us--it's not your month but we do need you. And the other 11 months, remember we're still here, too. Remember the laws still do not favor us. Remember that it is your job to help dismantle that year 'round...don't be our allies in June because we throw great parties, be our allies in the voting booths too. Be proud of that.