Preserving food to preserve a way of life

I seem to find myself blogging about my grandma a lot. She didn't raise me--I had two wonderful parents who did a mighty fine job at that, but she was instrumental in my growth and development as a person. She taught me so much that only she could teach me.

I remember sitting on her couch trying to stay up to watch the Church Lady on Saturday Night Live and doing foot massages. I would sit on one end of the couch and she on the other. We'd exchange foot massages, except she'd begin to doze off and snore. Then I'd conk out. Neither of us got to hear Dana Carvey inquire, "Could it be....Satan!?" very often. But those moments were tender and precious. 

She also taught me to can and preserve food. When I was a small child I remember my grandpa bringing home bags of fresh vegetables. And we'd all sit up shucking corn, snapping beans, slicing peaches while my grandma tended to the stove. Later in life it became I who brought the bushels, bags or boxes of produce. And she and I would stand at the sink or, later in her cancer journey, sit at the table slicing strawberries, blanching tomatoes, or chopping up the peaches. We'd talk about how her mother used to do the same thing. We spilled entire pots of prepared produce all over the floor. We'd have a glass explosion from time to time. We laughed. We cried. We sweated. We got frustrated. Be we always enjoyed the time together. The most wonderful part of this was in the hour or so after we had finished the process...pots cleaned, burners off, stove wiped down. We'd be sitting at the dining room table just chatting over our ice cold water or tea to cool ourselves off. And then, slowly but surely, "pop...doing...ding...pop..." the lids would begin to let us know our work was paying off in dividends: Our jars were sealing. And in those moments, we had successfully preserved more than just a crop of food; we had preserved a way of life for another generation. 

Whatever your activity is, please engage in activities which will preserve a way of life in the same way my grandmother and I did. Truth be told, I still have a jar of peach preserves from our last summer together. I can't bring myself to open it. Every time I see it in my cupboard, I am flooded with such wonderful memories. Yes, canning food most surely preserves a crop for future consumption, and also a way of life for future generations. 

Family Meals Together

Family meals have become a thing of the past. Which I find pretty saddening. I am not sure when this happened but it happened. And I'd like to invite you to reconsider it. And before you flip out with all your (valid) reasons for not dining together (soccer matches, work, homework, band practice, etc.) let me share my experience:

When my son came to me five years ago, he'd spent a number of years floating around in foster homes and children's homes (think orphanage, but with better regulations). He had not experienced family in the sense that I had (I refrain from judging anyone's definition of family here, note that I highlight my experience only). He was (and sometimes continues to) struggled with Reactive Attachment Disorder and attachment issues in general. I mean, that makes sense when you're 11 and haven't been in a home setting for long enough to really get attached, right?

So when he first came to me, we sat down and had dinner together. I don't recall what it was, but it was electronics free, sitting at the table, food on plates, drinks at table, having to sit across the table and be with one another from start to finish. There was no getting up when one of us was done unless we were both done. There was no just hopping up and running to the electronics. We sat. In complete silence many nights. But we sat and broke bread together. And it was awkward. Then, the next morning we did it again over breakfast. And it was really awkward. Then that night, we did it again and it was a little less awkward.

And now, we break bread together, sitting at the dining room table, electronics free 95% of our dinners and 90% of our breakfasts (he's a teen now, and so sometimes sleeps in on the weekends. I'm a quintessential morning person so I am up and ready to eat hours before he is ...teens, go figure!) It has become the cornerstone of our family definition. Not so much eating, because sometimes it's just a hamburger and tater tots, but the time together. We devote that time each morning and each evening to being present with one another. It has taught respect for one another--neither of us begin eating nor get up from the table until we're both sitting at the table and then both done. We take turns setting and clearing. We converse. We learn that even when we're mad, angry and upset with one another we always have a place at the table and it's ok to not talk and we're STILL breaking bread together...like a family, in the sense that I have experienced and wish for my son to as well.

For the record, our table does not look like this.
We often have mounds of junk mail piled up where we don't eat. 

So this week, as you are meal planning, consider including a family meal. Where you sit down together, and remain fully present to one another the entire meal. Electronics free (unless that's a device you use to communicate with one another due to various barriers to verbal communication). It may be awkward at first, and that's ok. You may get the stank eye from your children, and that's ok. It may take some training on your and your family's part, but that's ok too. Everyone sits down and waits until everyone is present to begin eating. Everyone remains seated until everyone is done. Everyone pitches in to set or clear the table. You know, like a family.

Or, at least, that's my 26.2 hungry cents worth!

Donald, lover of breaking bread together!

PS: There were MANY meals where we just looked at one another with disdain, meals which I was sure the plate would go flying across the table at my head, meals where harsh words were spoken, meals where tears were shed, meals where relationships were discussed, meals where cusswords were thrown, meals where laughter was had, meals where we ended up ordering take out (not all meals work out as the recipe indicates), meals where it all happens. We have experienced all the feels, emotions, highs and lows around the dining room table. It is our anchor.

Grandma's Banana Nut Bread

As some of you know, I now live in and own the house my grandmother and grandfather rented since the early 80's. I moved in with my grandmother the last two months of her life (6.5 weeks actually) to help her die at home instead of an institution. And then I just kept renting until the opportunity to purchase and keep it in our family came along.

This house is the house I spent a great deal of time in as a kid. My mom worked full time while also completing a degree in teaching while I was in elementary/middle school and my dad owned an auto-body shop. I remember one year pleading with my parents to let me live with my grandparents (oddly, now my son makes the same plea. I guess the apple does not fall from the tree haha). I loved and adored my grandma for as long as I can remember.

It was in her house that I learned to do things like sew, quilt, can and bake. And tonight, I'd like to share the banana nut bread recipe my grandma gave to me in a cookbook she made me for Christmas, 2004. On the inside cover it says, "Christmas 2004. To: JR. from: Grandma" in her well-known scrawl. I miss her, but in keeping this house...I try to keep her legacy alive and well.

Note: If this recipe is from a book, magazine or newspaper I apologize...she wrote it with no credits and it is the only recipe I've ever used making banana nut bread both with her and on my own.

1/2 Cup butter
1 Cup sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon soda
1/3 Cup chopped nuts (next batch I am using bourbon soaked walnuts)
2 bananas, overly riped and mashed
2 Cups flour
My tweaks:
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon freshly grated nutmet
1/4 teaspoon cardamom

Pre heat oven to 350
cream butter & sugar
Add unbeaten eggs, nuts and bananas (I usually do this with a mixing spoon)
sift flour and soda and add to mixture (if adding spices, sift along with soda/flour)
Pour into greased loaf pan (makes one full loaf or four mini loaves)
Bake at 350 for 50-60ish minutes til it passes the spring and knife test.

Even though I am not currently baking this bread tonight, I can sit with my eyes closed and smell it. Reliving so many wonderful memories in this house, and many others, with friends and family over coffee and my grandma's banana nut bread.

Y'all, take time to slow down, bake up something delicious (this bread?), and enjoy a story, a laugh, a tear...with friends and loved ones. The only regret you'll have is that you didn't make more time for this when those you love are gone.

Or, at least that's my 26.2 cents worth. Lemme know if you wanna join me for some banana nut bread sometime.

Donald

You are the company you keep

Today my business, the Louisville School of Massage played host to a retreat focusing on creating a Vision Board for 2018. While I believe the act of creating vision boards is powerful, more powerful than that (today) was the group of people in the room.

It was a small and intimate group of about 10 people ranging in age from 15-50ish. Three sets of parent/child were present, including me and my son. While my son's journey and story are his to share, I will summarize that it's been a difficult road, to say the least. The fact that he *wanted* to attend (or at least chose to attend on his own volition) truly is a testament to his desire to have a better life for himself and his children, should he choose to have them.

And for me as his parent, it reinforced that one of the most important decisions I can make as a parent is who I let in my inner-circle. Who I surround myself and my family with is ultimately who we become. I believe it is imperative for parents to be very selective in the company they keep. Do not be confused, this does not mean to be judgemental of people, but it does mean to be careful of the influences which impact my family. Ultimately, if I allow toxic people into my family/life, then my family/life become toxic; conversely if I invite positive and affirming people in my family/life, then my family/life become more positive and affirming. The group today definitely enriches my family.

So this evening I invite you to spend some time thinking about the influencers in your life--are they impacting you in a positive way? Are they influencing you to become a better person ? And ultimately, how are you impacting and influencing those in your life? Are you impacting them in a positive way? Are you influencing them to become a better person?

You know the old adage, you are what you eat? Well, I'd like to expand that...You are what you eat and the company you keep.

...or at least that's my 26.2 cents worth anyway.
~Peace
Donald

Traditions

Today is the first day of a new year (2018). New Year's Eve and Day are both often filled with traditions and superstitions. . . cabbage and pork, a penny in the pot, don't wash clothes or you'll wash away your wealth, so on and so forth. For many it is also a time of traditions...a particular bar/club, certain group of friends over to ring in the year, that specific snack/appetizer someone brought ONE YEAR and it became tradition, brunch afterwards...

So today, I thought I would share the rough outline of one of my journal entry prompts in my upcoming book of journal prompts for a healthier mind, body and soul. Be mindful this is in an unedited format, but just a glimpse:

Think back on all the strange, boring, wild, wonderful, horrible, exciting, stressful traditions in your family and life? (you can list them out here if you wish as they come to you)

Select one that brings you joy to think about as you answer these next few prompts: 
What is a tradition which brings you joy in your life/family?

When did it start?

How did it begin and who began it?

What is its meaning to your life/family?

What is so significant about this tradition?

Describe your favorite memory attached to this tradition?


Now for a moment, think on one that does not bring you joy: 
What is a tradition which does not bring you joy?

When did it start?

How did it begin and who began it?

What is its meaning to your life/family?

What is so significant about this tradition?

Describe a memory attached to this tradition:

What would happen if you just stopped this tradition?


Now, for a moment, think on a tradition which has not yet begun:
If you could create a brand new tradition for generations to come, what would it be?

When would you start it? And with whom?

What would the meaning be for you and your family?

Why would it be significant?

Where did you get this idea?

What will help you/prevent you from beginning this tradition?