Self Care Looks Like...

...many different things.

Over the last couple of years I have struggled with accepting my humanness. My house is almost always messy. I am almost always late paying at least one bill per month due to disorganization. My yard is, well at least it's not a jungle (on a good week!). My bookkeeping and accounting entries are generally delayed (often by a lot). We only have two chairs in our dining room, which do not match the table. If we have guests we bring in lawn chairs or folding chairs. And by guests I mean anyone over. The stacks on the dining room table are only cleared when we have company or during high soap season, where our entire dining room is cleaned top to bottom and then becomes our soap studio. Which is now. There are cobwebs in the corners and stacks of unread books given to me by well-meaning friends. Stacks. the blinds in my living room don't even match because they didn't have the size I needed when I bought the new ones, and I never went back. 6 months later. Which is kinda ok because neither color goes with the paint on the walls anyway (I did at least paint the walls when I had my floors redone last year!).

I am struggling to include accepting my own humanness as part of my self care.

All too frequently, I replay the above paragraph in my head instead of this one:

I own three businesses, all of which are cash-positive. I still see clients regularly, who seem to walk away in a better place than when they arrived. My son is still alive. Let me repeat that, my son is alive. My house is paid for and still standing. My pantry and fridge are well-stocked. I have a few friends who I can count on with my life. I am guiding/coaching/helping my son navigate a scary world in which the odds were not in his favor, but he's changing that. I volunteer in the community. I believe in, love and help my students and staff. I try to keep a healthy lifestyle in mind, body and spirit. I can run and hike 3+ miles. I am endlessly hopeful and believe in all people. I am a human.

I am struggling to include accepting my own humanness as part of my self care.

So today's self care is going to be this: We may, or may not, have a friend and their child over for an xbox fest and grilling out. I am trying to accept the unknown in that but first, I am going to accept the my yard will remain in an incomplete state, my house will remain in a state of disarray, and the burgers and dogs will probably be the inexpensive meat from Kroger because I forgot to lay the good meat out and, I'll be honest, I am probably gonna forget before I even hit "publish" on this journal.

So today, self care may not include meditation, running, a luxurious bath or even healthy eating. But I am going to try my hardest for it to include accepting my humanness. And if I fail at that, too, then, well...I guess God ain't done working on me yet, is He!?