Power!

(disclosure: This is a long one. No pictures. No links. The Power in this lies in reading it uninterrupted from start to finish.)

This run was couched in themes of POWER.

It was a Powerful run. My last long run was the pits, so I needed a good one to boost my spirits. It was Powerful.

I summonsed a Power that lied outside of me, channeled that to within me and then had the Power to say no to going to a great show Saturday night, get up at 5:30 a.m. on Sunday to get my run in before having the will-Power to *still* make it to church.

I took Power naps all day Sunday (2.5) to recover from my Powerful run.

But really, what prompted this theme on Power was a Powerful comment directed towards me Saturday. I organized a clean up and community meeting in an attempt to reclaim the gem that Iroquois Park once was from the dulled diamond in the rough it has become. I intended this to be a small gathering of a few people to toss around some ideas, make some commitments and ask Metro Parks and Louisville Metro Government to partner with us on areas that can't be managed by citizens (i.e. tree removal, rehabilitation, etc.) . It gained Power, and became much more. Several elected officials came. Representatives from Metro Parks and Olmstead Conservancy attended. I met with them beforehand to gain an insight I lacked previously. And so, on Sunday, about 30-35 people arrived, met in Jacobs Lodge and so began our conversation. There is a group that formed prior to this, but I got a negative feel, vibe, etc. so I opted to just do something small. Despite a few media inquiries, I chose not to comment and to request the process remain a citizen-driven one. The meeting went ok. There were no tables, chairs or seats, no running water or restroom facilities so it was uncomfortable at times but these are some of the very problems I wanted to address. And address them we began to.

And then we spent several hours collecting about six bags of trash from the North Lookout and surrounding trails. Young and old, male and female, gay and straight, all walks of life. That's the park I want to reclaim. Unfortunately, there are egos involved (including my own probably, I am human) and, as such, I had a nasty message waiting for me upon my return home. The line that got me the most was, "at this time, you are not the person I will follow." I'm ok with not being followed. What resonated with me was this line spoke volumes to this whole movement of restoring the park: I don't want to be followed, I don't want to be The Chosen One (hell, I didn't even know I was applying for the job. I probably would have showered had I known!), I am a citizen just like every single one of you reading this. You're all citizens. We're all in this together side by side. I want people to walk alongside WITH me, and me WITH them. That's why we're in this mess to begin with...somebody somewhere thought (dare I say thinks) that they know what's best for "The People" and, as such, asserts themselves as The Chosen One.

Honey, let me tell you that's not a Power I wish to have. And it isn't a Power that our "leaders" should wish to have either. If you choose to follow someone who wants the Power of being the chosen one, you may well have had the wool pulled over your eyes.

And so, while I ran three loops around Iroquois Park (as well as a couple miles leading up to and back home from)...this was a theme I tried to meditate on: The Power of love shall reign supreme over the love of Power. At least that's my 26.2 cents worth...but don't take it from me, have your own thoughts; it's a Powerful process.

Flatlined by Failure

Let me begin this blog by being brutally honest about my long "run" yesterday: I FAILED! And I failed miserably. As in, I was miserable before the run began, in the middle and long after I had finished it.

In today's society, we focus so much on "good job" "you're doing great" and a complete accentuation of the positive that we've frighteningly veered away from celebrating and acknowledging a failure along the way. While I agree we must focus on the positive...we must also focus on the reality and turn that into a positive for the next success.

even the view could not motivate me

I set out to run 12-15 miles. Last week, I ran a full 13.25 so this week should have been EASY up to about 12-13. I am currently in Florida on vacation at 15 feet above sea level and I never went more than 20 feet above sea level. This is NOT the case for the route I run back home where there is a several-hundred foot differential in start/mid/end elevation. But even before I went to bed, I knew it wasn't going to be a good run. When I woke up, I still felt it wasn't going to be a good run. And at mile 5ish when I took this picture it still wasn't a good run. During miles 10-12 when I played every mindgame in the proverbial runner's book...it STILL wasn't a good run. And finally, I gave up at mile 11.75. I failed. Miserable. Failure. Pained. Dehydrated. Sun kissed. Hobbled. Failed. That is the best way to describe my run.

But I still did it. And it is still going to be part of my success. I do not believe that success should be measured ONLY by the ultimate and final outcome...it should be measured by the beginning point, mid point(s), end point, and every point along the journey too. This was my route of failure, if you're inclined: http://www.mapmyrun.com/routes/view/113533751

O-M-G, I need a seat in my shower at home
for all my future failures!

Similarly, I believe that failure should not be a finite. And I think that's why we shy away from saying, "I failed." and we certainly don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by acknowledging, "you failed" but, my friends, who among us has not experienced a failure? Dare I say a catastrophic failure? You pick up and you move on. It isn't about the 1,000 failed attempts, it's about the one success, which, by the way, was strengthened by those failures along the way. So big flipping deal. You failed. Are you going to let it define and stop you? Or are you going to let it strengthen you and propel you forward?


I will admit, this thought did NOT come to me while feeling like an utter failure and a big sea cow clopping along at a 12 minute mile. It did strike me afterwards. So maybe I am doing little more than justifying a failed run, but eh...whatever...that's my twentysixpointtwo cents worth and I'm sticking to it!

perfect post failure reflection...

A Brand New CAR!

Ever wonder why we get so excited when the game show host squeels, "A BRAND NEW CAR!" ? I mean, even if you're not the one getting the car, heck, you may not even be connected at ALL to the person that *may* win the BRAND NEW CAR <re-read that in a game show host voice please>, but we all like new things. Sometimes the shinier and sleeker it is the more we are delighted.

Today, I was so excited to get out and try my BRAND NEW SHOES. The temperature today is supposed to reach 104 or something ungodly like that. And, as luck would have it (or misfortune) my mom kept Gabby last night so I won't get her until around noon today. I set my alarm for 6:30, snoozed til just before 7:00 and stumbled out of bed, walked the dog (that counts as a warm up, right?) and was already sweating just from a half block walk. But, I had the allure of BRAND NEW SHOES to tempt me. And BRAND NEW SOCKS. I'm not sure which made me more giddy. Probably the socks, to be honest (they were also only $11.99 compared to...well, the shoes were more). So I laced up, drove to the park, set my mapmyrun, tuned the pandora station to Black Eyed Peas and dove right in to the waves of heat emanating from the pavement. My goal is 8:30-8:45 min/miles for a short 3.3 miles (one loop around Iroquois Park). I came in at 8:29 min/mile. 

BRAND NEW SHOES!

I was going up the incline by the golf course when it came to me. I was enjoying my BRAND NEW SHOES, however that's not what kept the pep in my step. Last night, I allowed myself my one dessert of the week, I chose a flourless, no sugar added chocolate torte. Yes, there's still oodles of butter in it BUT I'm beginning to make small cuts and sacrifices and changes. I'm incorporating them into my daily living. 

It hit me like a ton of hot, steamy bricks. I was running for A BRAND NEW ME! 

My life has sucked for 8 months and I've been caught up in a cycle of grief. I'm probably still in it, and that's ok...I'll work with what I've got. But I remember how vibrant life felt when I was in marathon condition. How my skin radiated with happiness and glowed with contentment. How every step I made was made with a sense of accomplishment. In that run, on that awful hill with sweat coming out of every pore in my body (some I didn't even know I had) I remembered that I'm not just running for A BRAND NEW ME, I am running for a BRAND NEW FUTURE. A clandestine future that I make myself, influenced by those around me (positive or negative) and so...yes, it was the shoes that got me out in the heat this morning, but it was the allure of a BRAND NEW ME that kept me going to beat my time goal. 

Don't fool yourselves, you need a motivator. You need intrinsic and extrensic motivators. It's up to you to find what they are. It's ok to admit that you need something outside of you to get yourself motivated to get up and move. Treat yourself to a massage when you reach a milestone (also one of my perks) a new pair of expensive wicking socks, a decadent meal with a delicious dessert (yea, I said it), whatever it is, find your motivator and follow the heck out of it. You'll be SO glad you did as you're enjoying your new running shorts. That's my next reward. Once I reach a long run of 15 miles, I get some new running shorts. Find your motivator and run like hell to get to it. 

Or at least that's my twentysixpointtwocents worth.