Power!

(disclosure: This is a long one. No pictures. No links. The Power in this lies in reading it uninterrupted from start to finish.)

This run was couched in themes of POWER.

It was a Powerful run. My last long run was the pits, so I needed a good one to boost my spirits. It was Powerful.

I summonsed a Power that lied outside of me, channeled that to within me and then had the Power to say no to going to a great show Saturday night, get up at 5:30 a.m. on Sunday to get my run in before having the will-Power to *still* make it to church.

I took Power naps all day Sunday (2.5) to recover from my Powerful run.

But really, what prompted this theme on Power was a Powerful comment directed towards me Saturday. I organized a clean up and community meeting in an attempt to reclaim the gem that Iroquois Park once was from the dulled diamond in the rough it has become. I intended this to be a small gathering of a few people to toss around some ideas, make some commitments and ask Metro Parks and Louisville Metro Government to partner with us on areas that can't be managed by citizens (i.e. tree removal, rehabilitation, etc.) . It gained Power, and became much more. Several elected officials came. Representatives from Metro Parks and Olmstead Conservancy attended. I met with them beforehand to gain an insight I lacked previously. And so, on Sunday, about 30-35 people arrived, met in Jacobs Lodge and so began our conversation. There is a group that formed prior to this, but I got a negative feel, vibe, etc. so I opted to just do something small. Despite a few media inquiries, I chose not to comment and to request the process remain a citizen-driven one. The meeting went ok. There were no tables, chairs or seats, no running water or restroom facilities so it was uncomfortable at times but these are some of the very problems I wanted to address. And address them we began to.

And then we spent several hours collecting about six bags of trash from the North Lookout and surrounding trails. Young and old, male and female, gay and straight, all walks of life. That's the park I want to reclaim. Unfortunately, there are egos involved (including my own probably, I am human) and, as such, I had a nasty message waiting for me upon my return home. The line that got me the most was, "at this time, you are not the person I will follow." I'm ok with not being followed. What resonated with me was this line spoke volumes to this whole movement of restoring the park: I don't want to be followed, I don't want to be The Chosen One (hell, I didn't even know I was applying for the job. I probably would have showered had I known!), I am a citizen just like every single one of you reading this. You're all citizens. We're all in this together side by side. I want people to walk alongside WITH me, and me WITH them. That's why we're in this mess to begin with...somebody somewhere thought (dare I say thinks) that they know what's best for "The People" and, as such, asserts themselves as The Chosen One.

Honey, let me tell you that's not a Power I wish to have. And it isn't a Power that our "leaders" should wish to have either. If you choose to follow someone who wants the Power of being the chosen one, you may well have had the wool pulled over your eyes.

And so, while I ran three loops around Iroquois Park (as well as a couple miles leading up to and back home from)...this was a theme I tried to meditate on: The Power of love shall reign supreme over the love of Power. At least that's my 26.2 cents worth...but don't take it from me, have your own thoughts; it's a Powerful process.

Totally Zoned Out

During today's run, I'm honestly not sure where I went!

I mean, I started at Iroquois Park by the Amphitheater (Iroquois Amphitheater details), went left like I always do, got distracted by this lovely surprise, and then completely zoned out the rest of the run. It was neither an enjoyable nor unenjoyable run. Or at least, I don't think it was. This rarely happens to me during runs, but I just went somewhere else. I'm almost embarrassed to admit it as it makes me appear slightly flaky. I completely escaped my reality for 28 minutes and 48 seconds.

I just returned from vacation where I had a couple of awful runs. I ended my vacation working more than I should have, but that's how it works out sometimes. I ended my vacation drained rather than recharged. I guess The Universe gave me half hour to escape anyway. Odd. And I didn't fight it, I allowed it. I just followed the path. In the repetition, I suppose I slipped into an active/moving meditation. And through that, I was just guided by Spirit. I wasn't particularly looking forward to the run due to this ache, that pain, a little dehydration and some fatigue...but I let all of that leave my body and soul and just ran. My time of 28:48 is on the slow side, but not terribly so. I just followed.

I think I forget to do that and needed a reminder. My next three weeks are go, go, go. Maybe my next three weeks need to be follow, follow, follow. Yea, maybe that was the point of today's run. Or at least that's my twentysixpointtwo cents worth. . .

Here's the route and details: Running Meditation Today

Flatlined by Failure

Let me begin this blog by being brutally honest about my long "run" yesterday: I FAILED! And I failed miserably. As in, I was miserable before the run began, in the middle and long after I had finished it.

In today's society, we focus so much on "good job" "you're doing great" and a complete accentuation of the positive that we've frighteningly veered away from celebrating and acknowledging a failure along the way. While I agree we must focus on the positive...we must also focus on the reality and turn that into a positive for the next success.

even the view could not motivate me

I set out to run 12-15 miles. Last week, I ran a full 13.25 so this week should have been EASY up to about 12-13. I am currently in Florida on vacation at 15 feet above sea level and I never went more than 20 feet above sea level. This is NOT the case for the route I run back home where there is a several-hundred foot differential in start/mid/end elevation. But even before I went to bed, I knew it wasn't going to be a good run. When I woke up, I still felt it wasn't going to be a good run. And at mile 5ish when I took this picture it still wasn't a good run. During miles 10-12 when I played every mindgame in the proverbial runner's book...it STILL wasn't a good run. And finally, I gave up at mile 11.75. I failed. Miserable. Failure. Pained. Dehydrated. Sun kissed. Hobbled. Failed. That is the best way to describe my run.

But I still did it. And it is still going to be part of my success. I do not believe that success should be measured ONLY by the ultimate and final outcome...it should be measured by the beginning point, mid point(s), end point, and every point along the journey too. This was my route of failure, if you're inclined: http://www.mapmyrun.com/routes/view/113533751

O-M-G, I need a seat in my shower at home
for all my future failures!

Similarly, I believe that failure should not be a finite. And I think that's why we shy away from saying, "I failed." and we certainly don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by acknowledging, "you failed" but, my friends, who among us has not experienced a failure? Dare I say a catastrophic failure? You pick up and you move on. It isn't about the 1,000 failed attempts, it's about the one success, which, by the way, was strengthened by those failures along the way. So big flipping deal. You failed. Are you going to let it define and stop you? Or are you going to let it strengthen you and propel you forward?


I will admit, this thought did NOT come to me while feeling like an utter failure and a big sea cow clopping along at a 12 minute mile. It did strike me afterwards. So maybe I am doing little more than justifying a failed run, but eh...whatever...that's my twentysixpointtwo cents worth and I'm sticking to it!

perfect post failure reflection...

A Brand New CAR!

Ever wonder why we get so excited when the game show host squeels, "A BRAND NEW CAR!" ? I mean, even if you're not the one getting the car, heck, you may not even be connected at ALL to the person that *may* win the BRAND NEW CAR <re-read that in a game show host voice please>, but we all like new things. Sometimes the shinier and sleeker it is the more we are delighted.

Today, I was so excited to get out and try my BRAND NEW SHOES. The temperature today is supposed to reach 104 or something ungodly like that. And, as luck would have it (or misfortune) my mom kept Gabby last night so I won't get her until around noon today. I set my alarm for 6:30, snoozed til just before 7:00 and stumbled out of bed, walked the dog (that counts as a warm up, right?) and was already sweating just from a half block walk. But, I had the allure of BRAND NEW SHOES to tempt me. And BRAND NEW SOCKS. I'm not sure which made me more giddy. Probably the socks, to be honest (they were also only $11.99 compared to...well, the shoes were more). So I laced up, drove to the park, set my mapmyrun, tuned the pandora station to Black Eyed Peas and dove right in to the waves of heat emanating from the pavement. My goal is 8:30-8:45 min/miles for a short 3.3 miles (one loop around Iroquois Park). I came in at 8:29 min/mile. 

BRAND NEW SHOES!

I was going up the incline by the golf course when it came to me. I was enjoying my BRAND NEW SHOES, however that's not what kept the pep in my step. Last night, I allowed myself my one dessert of the week, I chose a flourless, no sugar added chocolate torte. Yes, there's still oodles of butter in it BUT I'm beginning to make small cuts and sacrifices and changes. I'm incorporating them into my daily living. 

It hit me like a ton of hot, steamy bricks. I was running for A BRAND NEW ME! 

My life has sucked for 8 months and I've been caught up in a cycle of grief. I'm probably still in it, and that's ok...I'll work with what I've got. But I remember how vibrant life felt when I was in marathon condition. How my skin radiated with happiness and glowed with contentment. How every step I made was made with a sense of accomplishment. In that run, on that awful hill with sweat coming out of every pore in my body (some I didn't even know I had) I remembered that I'm not just running for A BRAND NEW ME, I am running for a BRAND NEW FUTURE. A clandestine future that I make myself, influenced by those around me (positive or negative) and so...yes, it was the shoes that got me out in the heat this morning, but it was the allure of a BRAND NEW ME that kept me going to beat my time goal. 

Don't fool yourselves, you need a motivator. You need intrinsic and extrensic motivators. It's up to you to find what they are. It's ok to admit that you need something outside of you to get yourself motivated to get up and move. Treat yourself to a massage when you reach a milestone (also one of my perks) a new pair of expensive wicking socks, a decadent meal with a delicious dessert (yea, I said it), whatever it is, find your motivator and follow the heck out of it. You'll be SO glad you did as you're enjoying your new running shorts. That's my next reward. Once I reach a long run of 15 miles, I get some new running shorts. Find your motivator and run like hell to get to it. 

Or at least that's my twentysixpointtwocents worth. 

Do Not Settle

So the Sermon this Sunday at church focused on one phrase: Don't settle.

I have set a goal of a sub-4:00:00 marathon on October 28th. I began to settle...maybe this wasn't going to be my year. So much has happened. My agency has grown exponentially. I have a massive garden. I got two chickens. Grief still strikes me at random, odd and unwelcome times. It's a really hot summer. I don't have time. I'm stressed. I gained too much (grief) wait. Blah, blah, fucking blah! The ultimate reality and truth is: I began to settle! What a hypocrite I had become! Here I tell my kids they can be whatever they want, achieve all they set out to, transcend whatever vicious cycles they're "trapped" in and I began to settle.

No ma'am! Not anymore. I mean, I was on the friggin cover of the LEO. These kids look to me for hope when they may not have any other source. They come to me broken, beaten, downtrodden and full of self-doubt. And here I was going to let a few little life-occurrences let me settle.

I. Think. Not.

And so, I set it out this Monday. My course. My plan. My vision. Wait, no...there's that damn ego getting in the way again. I set out to follow The plan. The course. The vision. I happen to be a mere pawn in it.

I will be honest, I am still struggling. I still eat desserts more than once a week. Though I've conquered the candy challenge! I still drink sodas. And I still eat Ding Dongs now and then randomly throughout the week. But it's ok. It doesn't matter where I am today, it only matters that I move forward. That I've not settled. That I don't take a look around and say, "well, hey...maybe I didn't do a 4:00:00 marathon, but at least I did something. I think I'll stop now." Instead, I need to remind myself, "well hey, I didn't do a 4:00:00 marathon this time. What do I need to do in order to improve next time."

My journey isn't over, regardless if I do a sub 4 or not. My journey is on-going. And today, I set out to run 5 miles. 7.4 miles later I realized I had seriously under-estimated my distance from the park. But I didn't stop. I didn't settle. I kept moving forward. And here I am, less than 30 minutes later feeling like I need to puke and poop at the same time. But I didn't settle. I'm already looking forward to when I add the top lookouts of the park (another 200 feet in elevation maybe? and another 3ish miles) to my 5 mile run that turned into 7.

Don't Settle. It's just not in the Plan. Or at least that's my 26.2 cents worth. . .

The View You Have to Work For

Years ago, I was listening to some random NPR program. This was in the days when I didn't have a tv, but had Satellite Radio (in my defense, my ex paid for the subscription. And subsequently paid for a full year after we broke up too ha). Anyway...there was a program on indigenous ways of healing and medicine. As in those that are not chemically manufactured in a lab with high paid chemists in lab coats and goggles. Not that I'm against that in entirety (I reference this in a previous post, I won't belabor it here). Anyway, there was a healer from Appalachia being interviewed and he said something along the lines (I'm generously paraphrasing) that God put all the good healing herbs and roots far into the forest. The kind you had to work for to heal major ailments. i.e. peppermint, which cures a common upset tummy or bad breath, can be easily found everywhere. It takes a true healer and someone following Spirit to wade deep into the forest to find the herbs to heal the difficult and more serious ailments. And so the patient of the healer enjoyed the work of the healer.

view of beautiful valley, wanted you to experience as I did. 

So it is with running. I love running Iroquois Park (a common theme, no?). There is a route that takes you up. And keeps taking you up.  Nearly 2 miles of non-stop up. And when you've made it, you've truly made it. The view is GORGEOUS! This is the view you have to work for. Yea, yea you could get there by car. But I suspect the view is neither as awesome nor rewarding.

Click here to view the route and elevation


I ran the double loop a few days ago. Around the bottom, up to the middle-top, then I decided to take the plunge and keep going up. And up. And up. And up. And BAM! The view you have to work for. But by the time I got there, the last thing I wanted to see was a large vista that indicated the distance I had left to run in order to get to my car. Half way around the top loop, at the second look out, I thought, "stop. Enjoy the view. You've worked for it."

And so my invitation to you is this: When you reach the "summit" of any challenging task stop and enjoy the view. Afterall, this is the view YOU worked for. Give yourself permission to enjoy it. Otherwise, you might as well just (metaphorically speaking) stay on a treadmill. Or at least that's my twenty six point two cents worth.

So Simple; So Profound

I'm gonna give you today's theme without even having to work for it: HAVE FUN! 

BAM! 

WHOOP THERE IT IS! 

Cyndi Lauper, who is the the Grand Marshal for the Kentucky Derby Pegasus Parade tomorrow (in which my ducklings and I will be walking!) had it half right. She sang her heart out that, "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun." Why does fun have to be relegated to girls? I want to have fun too! And I bet you do too if you think about it. 

Yes, running is great for heart-health, gives you uber sexy legs and ass (am I the only one who admires my own legs after a nice long run while in the shower? Please tell me I'm not), helps lower stress/tension, etc. But it's also fun. If it isn't maybe you should look into a new past time. That doesn't mean that it's going to be fun all the time. Seriously, miles 17-22 could hardly be described as fun. But you can make it *more* fun! 

Trino & I Laughing.
First Half Marathon, circa 2007 

Trino and I used to laugh so hard during races that we would get stitches in our sides. That's not fun, but it sure did create some memories. Whenever we'd see a camera we would do face-checks--ugly faces were never permitted even at mile 24. While running along BOYshore, anytime a car would honk we would wave, thank them and wax on about how awesome our asses must be that a car several blocks away could notice (we ignored the fact that they were honking at other cars, red lights, children, etc.) You see, we made it fun. Wait, that sounds odd...to have to make something fun sounds like work. Well, that is one way to look at it I s'pose. Another way to look at it is this: the work is still going to be present. The pain of running is still going to be present. The hours spent pounding the pavement are still going to be present. Why not find ways to make it fun. Try to outrun the chipmunk in the park, decode the clouds above (only for short periods, please watch where you're running), try to catch up to the next faster runner. Have fun with it. 

Running in honor of a friends child.
Decked out in Purple--head to toe! 

That's all. So simple, yet so profound. Have fun with it, y'all! 

Or at least that's my own 26 point 2 cents worth anyway...

Marathon: My Marijuana

So yesterday was the 20th of April, also known as 4/20 aka 420 and "let's all get high" to stoners day--a holiday for them of sorts. One in which I neither partake NOR do I endorse. I do not endorse substance use/abuse of any kind in any way, shape or form. Well, caffeine as the exception. I go so far that I don't even take advil, ibuproferin (I can't even spell it!), aspirin, etc. I think we should learn to listen to our bodies and respond to its needs accordingly and naturally. (I should also say that I DO advocate medical interventions when necessary as the last resort. They can work, and must be used with caution, in my twentysixpoint two cents worth.).

Anyway, I was having coffee this morning with a longtime friend (E) and her partner (K). All three of us have a more intimate relationship with alcoholism and/or substance abuse than we might otherwise prefer. E was saying that she feels so much more balanced now that she's doing some running, she said "now if I mix in yoga..." at which point I chimed in, "it'd be like being high on marijuana all the time, but substance free!"

You see, for me, running IS my drug. When I don't do it for any period of time exceeding 3-4 days, I feel out of sorts. My legs cramp, they become fidgety, my brain is foggy, I have pent up energy and I struggle to make sense of the world around me. I've never partaken in marijuana or any other illicit/illegal substance (save for the occasional alcoholic beverage at 19 and 20) so I really have nothing to compare it to, but I imagine that's what it is like.

After I run, I feel more balanced, calmer, sedate, ready to tackle the world. My world makes more sense to me. Marathon training is my marijuana. It's also my therapy. What better therapist can there be than a pair of shoes, running shorts and God's great Universe?

For those of you who may be struggling with something...maybe a relationship isn't going right, maybe you have an addiction to drugs, alcohol, food, etc, perhaps there's a struggle at the workplace. Might I suggest lacing up and pounding it out on the pavement? You don't need to toke up, shoot up, stir up or any other up-just lace up your shoes and hit the road Jack or Jill. God will find you, and so will your answers. Or at least that's my 26point2centsworth anyway. . .

Put in the work; Release it to the Universe

Today, I'm going to hit you over the head with the metaphor of the day: If you don't put in the work, you're not going to yield the results you want.

This is sort of the metaphor I live by. I've always heard it growing up. I've always KNOWN it. But I didn't LIVE it until my first marathon some five years ago. Gosh, I really do believe that The Marathon is The Ultimate life-metaphor. Read on ...

Yesterday (and arguably today, but it's still early) I did not want to get my run in. I am behind on three of my contracts. Have a grant to update. Volunteers to coordinate for a 1,200 wall rehab inside the Youth Center, yada yada yada. But my goal is to complete this Marine Corps Marathon in under 4:00:00. That's a lofty goal for me given my first was well over 4 (though my last was just barely) and I recalled that to run fast, one must train fast. Hell, one must simply TRAIN to just finish! And so, despite the chaos of the day, I forced myself to do a brisk four-mile run on the treadmill at the Y. I did my first quasi fartlek run (Click Here for Fartlek Run Info) which generally kills me.


My mantra of the run was, "to finish fast, you must train fast, to finish fast you must train fast." and really, all that's saying is to FINISH you must TRAIN. That's how one should live life. If you do the right training in the right way at the right time, you're going to finish in the right way. Put in the work, and release it to the Universe.

It's as simple as that. Put in the work, and release it to the Universe. Now, it's time for me to grab another cup of coffee, finish this grant and drag myself out to Iroquois Park for another brisk run. Today, I'm putting in the right work at the right time for the right finish. Are you?

Raccoon. Mud. Jiggly Man Boobs. Phlegm. Compression Shorts.

Bright red shorts. Trees fallen. Random orange cones and water tables. 

No music. Brisk morning. Vomit. Few people. 

Pollen. Gorgeous sky. Blinding sun. 

These are a few of the things that I encountered on my run this morning. I may have already blogged about the point of today's, forgive me if I have but it comes to me often. 

I only do a marathon about once every two years (this will be my third in 5 years' time). I've discovered it takes about a full year-18 months to forget the intense pain, incredible sacrifices, total commitment and unfathomable insanity to complete a full marathon. I mean, you can't safely just wake up and say, "today, I'm running a marathon!" though i know of people who have. I train for at least 3-6 months. Each month brings a different level of discipline. Currently, I am just building my base-mileage up. In May, I cut out candy. In June, I increase mileage and salads. Etc. 

What I've also learned is the sense of satisfaction, glory, accomplishment, pride, et. al. of EACH Marathon persists far beyond the memory of any such sacrifices or pain. Yes, the stories of the sacrifice/pain are forever woven into dinner-party conversation (I remember that time when ___________________) but really, that is part of the pride and accomplishment.

To me, this is a clear correlation and metaphor for life. When you're in the thick of it (and I'm just now getting in the thick of THIS marathon with today's run at 10 miles) it is easy to focus on the pain (I'm sitting 14 hours later with my legs propped, raw toes, a tender nipple, tight calves and an inexplicable pain in my right pinky toe area), but I know if I want that sense of accomplishment, the pride, the cheering, the glory I must endure through the pain, prep and sacrifice. 

This blog is messy. My mind is messy. My running today was messy, actually. So I guess in the grand scheme, this blog is right up there with today's long run: pointless, messy, never-ending and boring. Oh well, that's my 26point2centsworth for ya! 

Am I Too Strideful?

And so the build up has begun. 

Iroquois Park, Spring 2012
(taken BEFORE storm, no debris)

Today's run: 6.7 miles. 56 minutes. Rain. Leaves. Debris. Thoughts. Jumbled. Slight pain. Moderate discomfort. Complete euphoria at mile 5 (finally!). Yes, the build up has begun! 

Two themes emerged today (well three really, my dad died five months ago today, so that has been a theme for the day, not relegated to my running) and they are about the debris in the road and the sense of accomplishment that lies in the completion of a marathon versus the pain. 

So I'll focus on the debris in the road, that's what kept coming back to me. 

Louisville, KY, experienced some heavy and sudden storms last night. I do all my training runs in Iroquois Park-Louisville's most beautiful and underrated park (Click here for Louisville's BEST park!). Not only did I grow up running through this park, it has largely remained unkempt. Or at least not overly manicured. You truly can feel completely removed from the city, and yet experience some of the best VIEWS of the city (future blog: The View You Have to Work For). As this is an old park, after any significant storm there may be anything from simply leaves to a large tree obstructing the path. Of course, on any given day there could also be deer, chipmunks, groundhogs/beavers/honeybadgers/clearlyihavenoidea and lots of things in bloom alongside random little streams. Did I mention this is my favorite place in Louisville? I feel the presence of God every time I'm on a run here. 

Downtown Louisville from Iroquois Park, 2011 (day before my dad died)

I was nearing the summit of an elevation today on my first loop (the park has a 3.3 mile loop at the bottom, I repeat it as many times as needed to get my miles ticked off). As if I needed any added challenge I came across a veritable minefield of debris. With oncoming traffic, I was left with little choice to but to slog through. So slog I did. Dodging this pile of leaves, that clod of mud. This twig and that limb. I got bent out of shape because I had to change my stride. CHANGE MY STRIDE I SAID! Every runner who runs with any regularity and distance gets into a stride. It doesn't change. I can tell you my per minute miles based on my stride. When Trino and I were running buddies, we could tell if the other was having a bad day based on their stride. Did I mention I HAD TO CHANGE MY STRIDE in order to avoid the debris in the road. Clearly, I was left unsettled. 

And then I thought. 

Some of the friends I hand with at Iroquois Park

How often do we get stuck in a stride. Nee, a rut? We go about life with the same speed as the day before. And the day before. And the day before. And then debris gets in the way and messes it all up! I suppose I did have some choices when I was reaching that summit today. I could have stopped and waited for the cars to move out of the way,  I could have trailblazed and went on through, I could have kept going and HOPED the cars would have stopped. But I didn't, I chose to change my stride. My feet struck the pavement in a different rhythm, I nearly stumbled, I felt out of sorts. Literally, I felt out of sorts for at least 12 paces until I regained my stride. 

And then I thought, am I so strideful that I forget to change and experience a new (and possibly better) stride? Literally or metaphorically, the question's relevance is the same.