Self Care is Wellness

Self Care is not selfish, it is wellness. Say it with me: Self care is not selfish, it IS wellness. And one more time for all the people in the back row: Self care is *not* selfish, it *IS* wellness.

Self care is wellness.

I have been in the helping field 22 years now, professionally. Add four years to that as a volunteer. That's a long time. I have seen all different types of social service workers and people in general. One thing I tried to begin implementing about mid-way thru my career was intentional self-care for me and for my staff & volunteers. At times, I was called indulgent, extravagant, selfish, needy and my favorite has been, "you're the king of self-care," said with a smirk and an unpleasant tone.

But they were, and remain, right. I had become expert at self-care. That was a time when I had lost my job due to "budget cuts" (another post for another day), lived in a tiny GARAGE studio "apartment" (and I use quotes here...the only thing that separated me from my 92 year old land lady's car was a sheet of drywall!), was $30K+ in debt, and kinda faltering in my life-direction. But dang it, I included some self-care every month! Once I set my mind to paying my debt off, each month that I met my financial goals I had a massage therapist come to my apartment, I rearranged everything to accommodate her massage table, and I enjoyed a self-care massage. Yes ma'am I sure did! Her name was Austin, we've become friends. She taught me so much about my body and taking care of it (this was before I became an LMT).

I began only working on growing my business four hours a day because it was emotionally draining to be fired from a job that recruited you to begin with, and that I had uprooted my only known existence to accept and then try to figure out how to start and grow a business in a town I'd only been in for 18-24 months. That was an outrageous act of self-care. And people thought I should be working more instead of going to the beach.

I had the audacity to begin taking care of myself once I realized nobody else was. My company did not care about me. My co workers did not speak up for me. My friends encouraged me to work more (I mean, that's actually not a bad idea on the surface level). My family wanted me to move back to Kentucky. If I was to do more than survive, I'd have to engage in intentional self-care to *thrive*; I was determined to thrive.

For me, self-care sometimes is catching the sunrise
over a body of water, just me and God. 

Even today, people have disdain for the fact that I intentionally put self-care high on my priority list. I could work more, absolutely! I definitely could be at my office longer hours. I could take a few more clients a week. Crank out more soaps and spend less time camping or hiking. I could cut out my twice-weekly afternoon naps. And I most assuredly could skip a massage or two. But why? So I can prove my priorities are to achieve more? Be more? Make more? Each of those "mores" end with money or "success."

Sure, I really want to achieve more, be more, make more...happiness, present, memories. I am rewriting the American Dream story to fit me. And self-care is a crucial piece to that. I am no longer ashamed to say, "no, I'd rather not go to dinner with you on my child-free Friday, I really just need to stay home and binge-watch Fuller House on the couch to recharge." That is a radical act of self-care! "Please hold my calls, I am going to get a massage for 60 minutes." What the what!? It is time y'all, time to reclaim YOURSELF and treat yourself right!

Please, hear me correctly though: SELF CARE IS WELLNESS, selfishness is a beast of a different color. It is ok to put the needs of others ahead of your needs at times (actually, I think it is necessary) and it is also ok to engage in self-care. So this over the next week or so, look at your time-budget (another post for another day) and devote some time for intentional self care. I'll make a post later including some of my and my friend's favorite acts of self-care. You can get us started by leaving a comment if you'd like.

So there you have it, if you've made it this far in this long, rambling, meandering post:
Self care is wellness.

Or that's my 26.2 cents worth anyway.
Donald, King of Self Care

Flatlined by Failure

Let me begin this blog by being brutally honest about my long "run" yesterday: I FAILED! And I failed miserably. As in, I was miserable before the run began, in the middle and long after I had finished it.

In today's society, we focus so much on "good job" "you're doing great" and a complete accentuation of the positive that we've frighteningly veered away from celebrating and acknowledging a failure along the way. While I agree we must focus on the positive...we must also focus on the reality and turn that into a positive for the next success.

even the view could not motivate me

I set out to run 12-15 miles. Last week, I ran a full 13.25 so this week should have been EASY up to about 12-13. I am currently in Florida on vacation at 15 feet above sea level and I never went more than 20 feet above sea level. This is NOT the case for the route I run back home where there is a several-hundred foot differential in start/mid/end elevation. But even before I went to bed, I knew it wasn't going to be a good run. When I woke up, I still felt it wasn't going to be a good run. And at mile 5ish when I took this picture it still wasn't a good run. During miles 10-12 when I played every mindgame in the proverbial runner's book...it STILL wasn't a good run. And finally, I gave up at mile 11.75. I failed. Miserable. Failure. Pained. Dehydrated. Sun kissed. Hobbled. Failed. That is the best way to describe my run.

But I still did it. And it is still going to be part of my success. I do not believe that success should be measured ONLY by the ultimate and final outcome...it should be measured by the beginning point, mid point(s), end point, and every point along the journey too. This was my route of failure, if you're inclined: http://www.mapmyrun.com/routes/view/113533751

O-M-G, I need a seat in my shower at home
for all my future failures!

Similarly, I believe that failure should not be a finite. And I think that's why we shy away from saying, "I failed." and we certainly don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by acknowledging, "you failed" but, my friends, who among us has not experienced a failure? Dare I say a catastrophic failure? You pick up and you move on. It isn't about the 1,000 failed attempts, it's about the one success, which, by the way, was strengthened by those failures along the way. So big flipping deal. You failed. Are you going to let it define and stop you? Or are you going to let it strengthen you and propel you forward?


I will admit, this thought did NOT come to me while feeling like an utter failure and a big sea cow clopping along at a 12 minute mile. It did strike me afterwards. So maybe I am doing little more than justifying a failed run, but eh...whatever...that's my twentysixpointtwo cents worth and I'm sticking to it!

perfect post failure reflection...