Great Love = Great Miracles

I apologize for my lack of posts, entries, runs and perhaps motivation to get out and pound the pavement. You see, my journey to become a dad began in earnest August, 2012 and on January 23, 2013, I was blessed with a most precious 11 year old who is so full of bright potential. And energy. Energy I thought I had tit for tat. Alas, I do not.

I am adjusting. I am training for a new kind of marathon. The fatigue is just as great, and I must pay just as much attention to proper nutrition, stretching, recovery, self care, directing and redirecting my own self-defeatest thoughts.

Just as with all things in life, I believe being a parent to a child in foster care is JUST like a marathon. Shock, right?

I like to chunk my marathons in 5K races...the first is warm up, anticipation, excitement. The 2nd is like, uh...I got this. The third I begin to wonder why I didn't just do the half again, I'd be almost done. The 4th I realize it's no turning back, make it or break it. So on and so forth until I reach the final two when I am beginning to wonder if I made a huge mistake. My energy storage tanks are depleted. And I think that it would be so much easier to have just worked at a water stop instead. Dumb me again! But then I reach another mile. And I gulp some water. And I eat an orange slice. And I high five a kid. And I think, "HECK YEA, I GOT THIS BRO!" And then a few paces later I wonder who just said that cause it surely wasn't me. And then another pretzel, another gu, another boost of energy, "HECK YEA....BAM! I GOT THIS! MOVE IT SLOW POKE!" And then...I think you get the picture.

And so for exactly three weeks, I've been running the above marathon. My first 5k was horrendously slow, but I was so proud. And it was only 3.1 miles. My first full marathon was horrendously slow but I was so proud. And it was 26.2 miles. I celebrated each mile(haha)stone with fist pumps in the air, smiles on my face and giggles in my throat.

So shall I accomplish this, the greatest marathon I'll ever race AND WIN. or at least that's my 26 point 2 very determined cents worth. . .

When there is great love there are always miracles.
~ Willa Cather

Resolutions:
Every year thousands, if not millions, of people across the world (or is this just a US thing?) make New Year's Resolutions. They typically go along the lines of:
I'm going to lose weight; I'm going to quit smoking; I'm not going to fight with my spouse so much; I'm not going to watch as much TV; etc.

Do you notice a fundamental flaw in the wording here? They focus on the negative and not the positive. And that's what we so-often do throughout so many aspects of our lives.

Ugh, if I don't get up and exercise I'm going to be fat. If I don't get on that dating website I'm going to remain single. If I don't save money I'm going to keep being poor.

What if we reworded it to focus on the positive:
This year, I'm going to believe that I deserve to live a healthy life by exercising more. This year, I'm going to save money and improve my health by no longer smoking. This year, my spouse and I are going to have a wonderful relationship founded on communication. This year, I'm going to try out that hobby that's been in the back of my mind instead of watching 3 hours of tv each night.

If I do workout more, I'm going to be healthier, happier and better. If I join that website, I may find my partner. When I save money, I'm going to be able to pay ca$h for that dream vacation.

BOOYA! I mean, come on, don't you get excited when you put things in a positive perspective?

Frankly, I do not believe that corrective action works. Negative consequences of negative behaviors don't work either in my opinion or none of us would be eating fried foods and oreos at midnight (or is that just me?) if negative consequences worked, obesity would not be on the rise, would it? so instead, let's get back to a positive reinforcement of a positive behavior. I think I learned something about that a bazillion years ago in some psych 101 class I took at the local community college.

Now, if you don't mind I have to get to my ab crunches, because when I do ab crunches and work on my core, I'm going to be able to BEAT that Kentucky Derby FULL Marathon coming up in April. Yes Ma'am I will! Or at least that's my 26.2 cents worth and hey, if you're working on paying your debt off, every 26.2 cents counts. Can I get an amen?

My '12 Insights

• Be a little kinder than necessary

• It is more difficult for me to receive than it is to give, yet equally important

• Allow myself to fully experience every single emotion that comes up

• No, I have not moved beyond, above, over, around or past...I've simply moved forward

• My career isn't what drives me, it's my passion that is in the driver's seat and sometimes I break the speed limit and run a red light now and then

• Drugs and their ill-effects are awful, addictions ruin lives and not just those of the addicts

• A plan is nice, it is also nice to be able to go with the flow

• A new phrase that got me through many stressful moments: this is about you and your journey, not me and mine

• I will always be a crazy dreamer, and no, I'm not the only one

• I didn't know what I was capable of until I faced something I didn't think I was capable of 

• People really do feel, see, hear, experience the dead; spirits exist in my daily reality

• I am worth it

I only gave myself 12 minutes to reflect back on 2012 and pull out the 12 insights I've gained this past year. The above is what came to me, unedited. I may go back later and expand on some, or I may leave them alone. What have you learned from 2012?

Now I know

Today's thoughts have come up in past posts: One More Minute.

Last time I focused on being able to do anything for one more minute as a means of self-motivation to the next mile marker.

Today I tried that trick on myself and I thought about my grandma.

More than that, I thought what would one more minute be like with her? And then with my dad.

Just one more minute. Seems odd, when running at a 7:30 minute mile, it seems one minute lasts an eternity. We struggle just to get through a minute sometimes. But I wonder... Would it be enough time to squeeze in all the love? Wash clean the bad feelings? Express all that needed and wanted to be expressed?

Why do I think that one minute would be enough when 68 and 52 years respectively weren't.

Because now I know. Now I know death is real. Now I know that it is an ending, but not the finite ending. Now I know that a minute of love is much more important than a nano-second of ill-will, hard feelings and resentment. Now I know.

If I could have just one more minute, I'd make it count. I don't know how, but I sure would try. Because now I know...or at least that's my 26.2 cents worth...if you had just one more minute, what would you do? And what's preventing you ?

Old Friend, We Meet Again

I am learning more and more each week how out of it I was this year. People are telling me things, events, speeches, classes, etc, that I was involved in, gave, delivered, taught and I'm clueless. This was hammered home today by the level of difficulty in running the short 3.3 miles around Iroquois Park. Not too long ago, I was running from my house to Iroquois Park (1.6 miles) then around the park at least 2-3 times (7+ miles at minimum) and back home (another 1.6 miles). Today, I *drove* to the park and still barely made it around the 3.2 mile base. And I stopped to take a walking break.

Ugh. 

This sucks. 

What the heck happend!? 

I stopped putting in the work. Plain and simple. I rested on my laurels. Literally. And today, I expected to be able to conquer the park in the same 24-27 minutes I did last year. 30 minutes later I realized it was preposterous for me to expect that. And so it is. I've lost contact with the park. With my muscles. With my lung. With my future. With my past. With my life. With my motivation. With the insides of my thighs (did they burn like that last time I started running!?). With my head (pounding). With myself. 

As I was rounding the final hill I realized this is much like my life. I lived in Florida for 8 years. During those 8 years, I gradually lost contact with my Louisville people and connected with an equally fabulous group of Florida people. They became my support network. My Family. My confidants. My influence. My life. And now.... I haven't put in the work. It is preposterous to think that I'll maintain the same level of relationship with my Florida friends if I don't work for it. My friend S and I have played phone tag since my birthday (a month now) and finally connected briefly yesterday. It was good to catch up. But it was like running through the park--a little different. Familiar. Comfortable. Comforting. Welcomed. But different. 

I miss my Florida people and I've not found that same connection here in Louisville just yet. But it took me about four years in Florida-I'm entering my 3rd here. It's odd. Being on familiar turf, but knowing few and connecting with even fewer. It will take time, but I will be back. And so will my friend-network. 

Come to think of it, it's just like my running journey. It has had its ups and downs. The more effort I put forth, the more I yield. The more I give the more I receive. For one who is both an introvert and a non-runner the following is true of making friends and of running: it's not easy and staying on the couch is a much more alluring alternative but where does that get me? 

So there you have it...awkwardly trudging forward, trying to find my place in the running and friendship world. I'll get to the finish line one of these days, for now, in the words of Vivian (a presenter I had the opportunity to recently see), "a DLF > DNF > DNS" or "a dead last finish is greater than a did not finish , which is better than a did not show." At least that's my and Vivian's 26.2 friendcents worth...

First World Problems

The last couple of weeks I've been struggling on the home front. Actually, the house front to be more accurate. a floor fell in, bathroom had to be redone, walls fixed, roof replaced, furnace replaced, central heat installed and now the hot water heater replaced. I've not had my house all in one piece for 4-6 weeks. Which also means I've not had my home in one piece.

I've put on as many as six blankets to stay warm. I've showered at my mom's and the YMCA for over a week. I've boiled water to do the dishes. I've washed towels and sheets in cold water. 

One phrase comes to mind: First World Problems. 

It's true, I've been inconvenienced but at least I have running water, and water that won't even make me sick when I drink it! I have dishes to wash and food to make them need to be washed. I have a car to take me to the Y, heck, we even have BUILDINGS dedicated to just getting in shape! I have seven floors from which to choose my workout. I have safe roads that I can run on, and refuel with a glass of ice-cold water into which I can mix my Emergen-C for that extra boost of immunity. I have used six blankets in a single night, but I could have used any of the 5 more should I have needed them. 

These are the things that came into my head yesterday as I was ticking off my 10,000 steps in circles around the track. It's only about 3 miles or so...without sounding cliche, there are people who would probably be relieved if they had to walk ONLY 10,000 steps to get to work, school, home, doctor, water, food, etc. Yes...10,000 steps; 10,000 thoughts. 

Two thoughts should permeate them all: First World Problems and I am blessed. At least that's my twenty six point two cents worth. . . 

Marathon Grade Stock

I think that perhaps I failed at my most recent attempt to train for and run a marathon because I relegated it to just that: Running a marathon. It's so much more. It's a way of life that merely includes running as a conduit to the rest.

It's about being a healthier, whole person.

I say this from a lazy position on my couch, covered in a warm & fuzzy blanket that I have NO idea where I got it. Oh, and turkey stock is simmering on the stove, now entering it's second hour. Both times I've been successful at a full marathon I approached it with all my might. I drank smoothies for dessert, I ran with other runners, I cross trained and stretched, I got into the zone and stayed there all 26.2 miles. This time, I did none of that with much commitment or determination. I just ran. And then I stopped.

So as most Americans (myself included) are still in a post-gluttony stupor, suffering from indigestion and lethargy might I broaden this blog to include how to be healthier so you can finish whatever marathons you may literally or metaphorically be facing?

My turkey stock recipe:
First enjoy as much meat from the turkey as you and your family can. THEN...

Scrape off any remaining meat you can, you can use this in sammiches, pot pie, stir fry or putting in turkey soup later.

Throw the bones, fat, juices, etc. into a BIG ol pot.
Cut up an onion (or two, whatever you have)
Put in a couple things of celery (be sure to keep the celery leaves on, they add so much pizazz!)
Slice up some garlic (I love garlic and it's REALLY good for you, so I add double what most people do, I use 4 cloves, NOT bulbs mind you)
couple shakes of peppercorn (if I had to guess, I'd say at least  teaspoon maybe a tablespoon?)
Three FRESH Bay leaves (the trick to good flavor from bay leaves lies in their freshness)
Chopped herbs which may include: cilantro, thyme, oregano (I avoid sage as I can my stock and sage does not can well)
10-14 cups of cold water.

Simmer on LOW heat for 3-4 hours. Let cool. Strain (I just put through my pasta strainer, some recipes call for expensive sieve things)). Let sit in fridge overnight. Skim fat. (sometimes I'll reheat, recool, reskim...depends on how low fat you want it). Be mindful the stock will congeal due to the natural bone simmering as opposed to the gross stuff from the store). Before I started canning, I would freeze in two cup amounts in zip lock bags. Lay them flat to freeze, then stack on top to conserve space. Now I can them at 10 lbs pressure for 75 minutes.

Voila, you have fresh, organic (if you choose), low fat and low sodium marathon-grade stock. I hope you enjoy! Remember...running a marathon is about WAY more than running...it's about completing a marathon. or at least that's my 26.2 cents worth and hey, that's about what the serving of stock cost too!